The Place To Be: A Hamiton Fic

Chapter Eleven: Over and Over

Okay, so Alex has five years left, according to his doctors . At the beginning of every chapter I'm gonna put a little reminder like *year one * or *year two*, etc. this is just to let you guys know where the story's going and help keep me organized.

Love you!
Alex's POV, year one. *

It's funny, when you should be dead but aren't.

It's funny, when you don't want to be alive but you are.

It's funny, when I don't deserve a single thing in the world and yet, I have it all.

Instead of lying six feet under ground in a cramped little coffin, I'm lying completely still in an MRI machine. It whirs and spins around my head, just like how my world is spinning around me. John is in the next room. He's with Eliza. I can't see them, but I'm sure they're sitting close together. Eliza will try to square her shoulders and be strong. John is probably slumped over.

Maybe they're holding hands.

The machine whirls. "You're doing great." I hear a doctor say. "Just please stay still. It's almost over."

No. It isn't. Nothing is over yet for me. So I lie completely still, and I talk to my mother and my cousin for a bit.

"Hi." I think, hoping Usnavi and my mother could hear me, up in heaven or wherever you go when you die. "I miss you. I'm sorry you missed me. I'm sorry you're dead and up there and I'm alive and down here. Sorry I let you down. Sorry I wasn't good eno-"

"Alright, Alex, it's done!" The doctor smiles at me as I open up my eyes and let them adjust to the light. MRIs are the worst.

"We'll send these X-rays and your blood tests to our lab and get the results back to you in a week or so, okay?" The doctor says as he helps me down.

I nod and smooth down my messy dark hair. "Thank you." I whisper, grabbing my coat from a chair and hurrying out of the MRI room to see John and Eliza.

"Hey!" John says when the door opens and I walk in. He and Eliza both bolt out of their chairs and outstretch their hands to me, like they want to grab on to my shoulders and hold me close forever.

John drops his hand and tucks a large curl behind his ear. "How'd it go?"

I shrugged one shoulder. "They'll send us the results. I got some blood drawn too."

"Well, we'll find out in a week then." John helped me into my coat and together the three of us walked out of the hospital.

"I'm optimistic about this one." Eliza said, forcing a smile as we piled into her car.  Yeah, okay Eliza.

John started to get in the back with me, but I put out a hand to stop him. "Can you sit up front?" I asked. "I was going to lie down and sleep the whole way home."

He pressed a soft kiss to my temple. "Of course."

So I clambered into the back seat of Eliza's car and sprawled out across the seats, wrapping my arms around my head to hide my face from John and Eliza.

I cried a bit on the way home. I missed being dead.
*****
"We're home!" Eliza called as the three of us quite noisily stomped into the Schuyler house. John shuffled around on the doormat to get the slush off his boots. It's almost March and New York was still a sludgy wasteland.

"We're in the parlor!" Peggy shouted across the house.

Eliza cocked an eyebrow. "We??? Who the hell is with her? Dads not home yet." She whispered to me and John.

The three of us crept down the hall to the parlor. We turned around the corner and tried to sneakily pop our heads into the doorway, but Peggy caught my eye immediately. She was seated so we could see her, but whoever she was with was seated so his back was to us.

Eliza made a bunch of angry and rushed signals to Peggy, who just rolled her eyes.

"Since when do you two have a secret language, what the fuck." John muttered a little too loudly. The guy turned around in his seat to face us.

"Oh, mother fucker." Eliza groaned.

The man gave us a big smile. He was twirling a pen around in his skin, long fingers and tapping his foot along to some imaginary beat. "Hello John, Eliza. And Alexander! Didn't you die?"

John narrowed his eyes. "Jefferson. What do you want."

Jefferson rolled his eyes. "What a way to welcome a guest into your home. Where's your hospitality, Laurens?" My eyes kept getting drawn to the guy's huge curly Afro. Damn he had some nice hair.

"Hey John." I said slowly out of the corner of my mouth. "What's going on? Who is this guy?"

"Thomas, will you excuse us?" Eliza said through gritted teeth. She crossed the parlor to grab Peggy by the arm and yank her out of her seat. "Kitchen. Now." Eliza muttered as she stormed by, dragging Peggy behind her.

John slipped his hand into mine and pulled me down the hall to the kitchen. I looked back for a split second and was greeted by a shark-like smile from Jefferson that made me shudder and turn back around.

"Okay, who the hell is that?" I asked, sliding down onto a bar stool at the large marble island in the kitchen. John stood behind me and wrapped his long arms around my waist.

"Thomas Jefferson. We went to school with him." John explained. "He was....well, he was kind of an asshole. Especially to you."

Peggy crossed her arms. "Hey!" She said in protest. "Don't say that about him! Thomas was going through a rough patch, okay. He heard you were back in town and wanted to drop by and apologize for everything that you two fought about on student council and-"

"Hold up." I shook my head. "He's my enemy because we got into fights about....student council?"

Eliza nodded, her eyes wide. "Yes, Alex. You were very serious about student council."

"Alex, he really wants to talk to you." Peggy pleads, her brown eyes wide. John presses a few soft kisses to the side of my temple.

Eliza shakes her head and starts pacing, a nervous habit she's probably had forever. I wonder if it used to annoy me as much as it doesn't now.

"I... guess I could...talk to him." I say slowly. Peggy breaks out into a happy grin and I wag my finger at her.

"Don't get too excited, peg, I'm just going to talk to him. If this guy is as much of an ass as John and Eliza think he is, I'm kicking him out."

"Don't worry Alex." Peggy laughed heartily. "He's changed."

Well, so have I. I've changed, but nothing around me has. I seem to follow the same paths, the same patterns, fall into the same routines.

Doctors office. Watch tv. Be forced to eat some nasty food Eliza attempts to cook. Cuddle with john. Go to bed. Repeat.

Over and over and over and over.

I want it to be over.
****
He's backkkkk. A lot of people are going to be coming back, actually, so hurrah for that!

I don't like depressed Alex. Unfortunately, he's going to be sticking around for a while.

Love you guys! Hit me up with some questions, I'm bored. (As always)