The Warriors Way ( RONAN FANFICTION )

Never Forget Your Roots

5 weeks later

After that horrible day five weeks ago , I'm too scared to leave the infirmary . A piece of shrapnel was left in the bullet wound and my leg suffered severe blood poisoning that eventually spread through my entire body . honestly ? I'm surprised I even made it . I remember the tug of death and the way it lured me in , eventually I caved and I even remember my last breath , and those deep , vibrant purple eyes , filled to the brim with concern and fear , but was it concern for me , or my job ? . I remember a fierce blinding white light , roping me from the dark , which was so comfortable I almost wanted to stay , but the light reminded me I had much to live for , to fight for , to much I still needed to do , to take care of . So I followed the light and cant remember anything past that , until I woke up a few days later panicking . I had terrible nightmares filled with dark shadows and blurry faces , I felt a massive , rough hand gently comfort me every time I fought a horrifying monster in my sleep , but when I awake there is never anybody there .

I don't know what is happening in my mind , I have never felt so vulnerable in my entire life , I have never been scared of anything , except losing my baby sister . I have never had so many different emotions at once , I don't even know what the problem is , so how am I meant to fix it . something prodding at my mind annoyingly tells me that this is my wall breaking down , that this is what is feels like to actually  feel , something tells me my confusion is me deciphering my newfound emotion and categorizing them , but why do I feel so trapped in my own head ? why do I feel as though is like a messy room that will never be cleaned again ? I haven't laughed or smiled in so long that I actually miss my old self . I miss the mischief and the rude-yet-funny me . I miss the outgoing yet always aggravated me . Now I just find myself to be blunt and plain out rude , even to Jonah who has been visiting me regularly , his warm hazel eyes laced with concern .

I sigh and rub my thigh , liking the tingling of sensation that comes with it . They almost had to amputate me just below the hip , but I refused , I would rather die then to be crippled , watching like go on around me while I could not even use the bathroom myself . They reluctantly agreed , saying if I made progress they would leave it , if not , they would have to take it . I knew my leg was  still humming with life , I knew I would fight to Resuscitate  it , so now here I am five weeks later and able to walk on it stiffly . It hurt me so much but I just push it away , pain is in the mind after all . I lay back on my bed and close my eyes , deep in thought once more .

War changed me , I know it did . I know this is mostly the reason I am like this. Even though I wasn't a hundred percent aware of what I was doing , my eyes were . I still saw what I did and I still get random flashbacks . I was so brutal , so ruthless , so vicious , but that wasn't completely the reason , maybe it was because even though Kenneth was disgusting and the people were quite horrid , not all of them were bad , deep down . I have fond memories of them , I have fond memories of people I will probably never see again . those people worked so hard for a living but in return got given close to nothing  , My town burning  made my heart ache , I remember working for food at many of the stores , I remember carrying Ms Ps groceries home for her and in return received sweet cake for me and Arlo . I remember the hair ruffles and smiles I received as a kid , all the fond looks in people eyes as Octavios walks little Arlo down the dirt path .Even though I was an incredibly disastrous and cheeky child , Most locals enjoyed having me around .I guess I loved that town , I guess I loved the people in it . I guess it was hard watching what they worked so hard for literally burn away .   I guess all along I never really admitted how much I enjoyed having a place to call home , I guess I never really thought a bout those hardworking people while I was on the dark aster , feeding myself like a king . I should have never forgot my origins , that is what made me myself today .

Maybe my sudden stand still in life is all the reasons mixed together , but admitting it to myself made it feel like a sort of break through . I no longer feel as confused , I no longer feel so helpless , because I know I am fierce . I know I will continue to fight for myself , I will continue to fight my inner battles , I will continue to fight the outer ones . I will continue to fight for all hard working people on kree , heck .

I will continue to be Octavios The Executor .