My Baby Girl

Chapter 13.

Two weeks passed, and I felt exhausted. I knew having a newborn was going to make me lose a lot of sleep, I did it with Hayden when he was born. I just didn't remember how tiring it was. Every two hours she would wake up, and Eric wasn't able to help me either. I decided to breast feed her; I wasn't able to breast feed Hayden since I didn't give brith to him, but I could do this for Grace. Eric has told me multiple times that we can breast feed her, and bottle feed her but I didn't want to do that. I was able to raise Hayden alone; with some of Isiah's help, but I was mostly alone. I can handle Grace at night, and Eric can help me with her during the day.

After the two weeks, I felt like I was ready too go back to work. Obviously, I wasn't going to though. My doctors still haven't cleared me to do so, and they're not going to for another four weeks. I just felt like I was ready to leave the house more. All I do, all day, is take care of Grace and take care of the house. I'll change Grace's diaper, feed her, put her to sleep and continue cleaning the house. I'll clean, I'll cook, but I do get some resting time.

I feel like just laying around isn't good for me. I feel like the more I sit in front of the TV, or the more I try to nap with Grace, the more I think about Hayden. I'm scared that I'm gonna go back to how I use to be feeling, which is why I feel like I'm ready to go back to work. I feel like I can go back to work mentally, but I know my body wouldn't be ready for that much stress yet. I get tired by just cleaning the house, and even just cooking. It's hard after having a baby, no one told me that part about getting pregnant either. Your body feel sore, but slowly I can feel my strength coming back. I wasn't able to witness how the women's body reacts after having a baby, since Grace did pass away after Hayden was born.

Eric was getting ready to go to another meeting with his Dad. After we had Grace, Eric tried to stop working so much. Out of the two weeks that we've been home, I think he probably worked for seven weeks at most. It was nice when he was here, to keep me company and keep me away from my thoughts. When I was alone, I was able to feel the depression of not having Hayden sink in. Especially since I don't even know who he's with. I couldn't help but think, how much full of life this house would be with Hayden. Hayden would be walking around, probably causing a disaster since he's at that age where he wants to grab everything. He would be the one to keep me company though, especially when Grace is taking her naps.

I was getting ready Grace's diaper bag ready. After the two weeks, we were finally going out for just a little bit. I begged Eric to take me with him to Java Beans. We were a bit skeptical on taking Grace out at her age, but with how I was starting to feel we thought it would be bette to be out for a bit. Eric's meeting was at our Java Bean coffee house anyways, and the meetings usually take forty-five minutes at most. That seems like a lot to people, but I couldn't help but think of something better to do that to relax there.

"You sure you don't mind waiting there for me?" Eric questioned me.

He had asked me more than once if I was okay with it, and I would always tell him I was. I was tired of being home alone when he wasn't there. Being alone always brought thoughts of Hayden, and it always stings really badly. I'm not tryin to forget him, I just don't want to start feeling depressed again. Especially if that depression could lead to it being postpartum.

"I'm sure. Besides, Monica and Adam are working right now. Charlotte's suppose to be coming in too, so I'll have people to talk to. If it gets too busy I'll just be in the break room if anything, or I'll even hang out on one of the couches. Trust me, forty-five minutes of just figuring what to do sounds better."

"Okay, I'm just making sure. My Dad will love to see Grace again anyways, and so will everyone in the coffee house," Eric said with a smile.

Eric and I left the house, and he drove us to the coffee house. It felt nice being out of the house, not having to deal with the same walls and rooms every single day. I love the house we live in, and I love that we're going to raise our kids in that house. Once Hayden returns home, he's going to love that house too. I already know he's going to have a lot of fun being there, and I already know he's going to love having a little sister.