The Band Whore Diaries

11/5/17

I feel like the biggest, fattest hypocrite to walk this fucking planet. 

Once again, I bitch and moan about how much of a manipulative asshole Danny is, but I fucking slept with him. 

Just as I expected, I knew Danny and I wouldn't remain just friends. 

I was waiting for some sort of twist, such as an argument, or a disagreement to fuck things up. 

But in this case, I suppose it's because I can't keep my god damn legs shut. 

And it's all my fault. 

I'm almost wondering if I subconsciously enjoy being taken advantage of, or if I'm just used to it at this point. 

The fact that Danny is residing in my bus isn't exactly helping matters either, considering we're both sex-obsessed beasts, looking for some easy action.

Meanwhile, I sat on the edge of my bed, holding my head in my hands, trying to recollect myself. 

"What are you doing?" Danny mumbled, sitting up in bed. 

He stared at me sympathetically, sweeping away his faded black hair, which was matted to his forehead. 

"I don't know about this, Danny," I sighed, picking my shirt off my floor, and sliding it back on over my head. 

"What are you talking about?" he asked sleepily. 

"We're supposed to be just friends, remember?" I reminded him, raising my eyebrows. 

"Oh, right," he said sheepishly, his pale cheeks glowing pink.

During a long, painful pause, I glanced out my window, watching the dead field grass sway in the breeze. 

"I-I just can't hate you," I said aloud. 

"What?" he snapped. 

"We've been through so much shit, Danny. I should hate you for it all, but I just can't," I explained, looking down at my dirty carpet shamefully.

More awkward silence.

"Likewise," he replied finally.

"Anything can happen, and somehow, we always come back to each other. I just can't let you go," I noted. 

"You're a fucking leech, Kota" he chuckled.

"Yeah, thanks," I snorted sarcastically.

I'm not sure if Danny and I both have a bipolar way of thinking, or it's our unfortunate fate. 

However, I still can't forget about the shit I stole from him, and the fact that Danny can be more aggressive than a rabid pitbull on steroids.

Also, I didn't know what to do, considering that everyone now more or less hates Danny among the walls of Blood Spatter and Cake Batter.

And where does that leave me?

In the fucking middle of it all, as usual.

I have Ben, who is trying to fix things with me, and I turn around and fuck his best friend, which he currently has hard feelings against.

This is kind of like the same situation with Mike and Vic, but slightly different.

I also talked so much shit about Danny to Oli, it would be completely mortifying to admit that I slept with him.

And we can't forget about Dahvie, who I more or less neglected this entire time, but he is the least of my continuous worries.

Ronnie and Max know that I stole Danny's things, and they know where I hid them, so I can't get on their shit list, either.