Insane to Silent

12: Rin's Story (part 1)

It was a weird day. My first asylum. Cock a Doo Daylights or something like that. The name was not important, or it isn't at this time. I forgot it after the first seven or ten mental institutions. Why was it that I was put in, you may ask. The answer is fire. Yes, the golden flames of life and hatred all put together in one burning flame. When some people think of fire, they think of campsites and roasting a s'more. Not for me though. Surprised? Probably not.

To be honest, I do think that I have a problem, but usually I just ignore it. I gave up on the thought that I would be normal, or just slightly weird at the most. The sad part is, it took me until the day that everything was ruined to figure it out.

~.~

I always believed exactly what they all said. It will all get better, or it's just one step in the journey of life. Now that I think of it, those were all stupid cover ups. I was never going to get better, and I knew it. Fire was my heaven and my hell. It was my demon and my angel. Nothing could change the feeling of what it was like to see fire. Or touch it.

That is when it started. The day I first burned my skin, on purpose. The flame from the lighter burned my skin and tears leaked from my eyes in pain, and yet I still do it. The pain from the feeling was my way to make sure I was still human. To make sure that I was still an innocent girl, not possessed by the devil or anything. Just a normal girl. Then that answer turned to an excuse. I did it more often now. Way more often. Twice a day sometimes. My burns were hard to cover up. How could I hide them from my parents? It was impossible. My parents found out and the therapy was terrible. They hid everything that had to do with fire. No more lighters, candles, fireplaces, or anything. 

"What a terrible way to break a habit." I said to myself. It was true. The withdraws killed me. I screamed at my parents for the most stupid things. I knew my parents were trying to understand me, but I still thought I was always going to be "that" girl. I searched through the junk droors in my house trying to find a lighter. I went to school the next day and drew pictures in my notebook of fire. I heard something drop to the ground next me. I stared at the small metal box. Quickly I slipped it into my pocket and raised my hand. The teacher called on me.

"Yes Rin."

"May I go use the restroom." I asked. She released me and I quickly signed out and speed walked to the bathroom. I locked the door in one of the stalls and stood there staring at the lighter.

"One burn. Then I'm done." I promised myself. The click was heard when I opened it us and I made the flame come to life. I touched the flame with a finger first. The pain was felt and I held my breath. I could smell the scent of burning skin as I kept it there. Then I slowly moved my hand up in a line starting at my pointer finger and trailing all the way up my arm. Blisters coated the line that I just made and I moved to my other arm. I just needed to do it again, and again, and again. This feeling was just way to pleasureful for me to stop. 

To tell the truth I actually got in trouble for taking to long in the bathroom. I hid the lighter in my pocket and put on my jacket to his my burns. When I got home I did my chores. Laundry, Dishes, cleaning rooms. The usual stuff that I need to do. Then after that I went to my room and flopped down onto my bed. I turned on the lighter once again and put my palm over the flame. My skin burned and the smell of smoke rose into my nose. Blisters showed up on my skin before I flipped my hand over exposing the other side.

I couldn't see why this was going to be a bad thing. It's not like I was going to hurt anyone. It wasn't like this would get any worse than what it is now. So why would they try to stop me? I walked outside with my jacket on. My mom stood outside with a bottle of gasoline. I walked up to her. 

"What you doing?" I asked. 

"Making a fire. We need to burn some trash." she answered back to me. I smiled at the thought. A large group of flames burning the human waste of life. Smoke trailing into the air and the smell of gas filling the flames.

"I think that is a great idea." I said. She pulled out a match and threw it onto the pile of gasoline soaked trash. It lit a flame and the flames were more than I could handle. I needed to touch it, better yet put myself within it. I took a small step forward and ran to the fire avoiding my mom as she tried to grab me. I stood with my back to the fire. 

"Rin!" she yelled. 

"Life and death. Construction and destruction. Light and dark. Warmth and chill. All of the abilities a flame could have. Now, I will be a part of it. A full part of it." I said taking off my jacket exposing my burn. I turned and walked into the fire. A scream from my mom filled the air. I stood with the fire burning my clothes and every part of my body. I was in heaven. Then I was pulled out. A hand reached through the fire and wrapped around my arm. I was pulled out and I fell to the ground.

Then my mom took the phone from her pocket and dialed 911. 

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There will be a part two to this. Maybe even a part three. See you all next time. Oh, and I am sorry about not updating. I got a new puppy and had to take care of it. See you all soon. 

Word Count: 1077