Islands

42. The Island of Goodbyes

It was around eleven at night. I had to do this fast, before my father got home in the morning from his business trip.
I entered his apartment with my key and sat the key on the end table near his door.
The apartment was large, nearly empty.

"Allison is that you?" He calls out from his room. I knew he'd be up, he usually never sleeps unless its next to me.

"Yea...Mads, its me..." my voice nearly cracks.
I hear his footseteps pick up from his room. He wears only a pair of pajama pants. Why did he have to be shirtless at this moment?

I looked away from him, fiddling with my fingers.

"Whats wrong?" He asks moving closer to me. I swallow hard then take a deep breath.

"I don't know what to tell you," I say as tears stream down my cheeks.

"Allison...whats wrong?" There is fear in his voice. He puts his hands on my shoulders and tries to turn me but I pull away.

"I...theres so much you don't know Mads, things I've kept from you. I've kept these things from everyone actually. I'm a terrible person for it," I say sniffling.

"Then tell me. You're not a terrible person."

"If I did, you wouldn't understand. Which is why I need to stop this, stop us..." I trail off.

"No, we are not stopping at all! I refuse to let you go. This is insane, Allison, something is wrong, you need to tell me so that I can fix it," He says sternly, nearly angry of the thought of ending our relationship.

"You can't fix it!" I yell and begin to sob.

"Just tell me," he raises his voice but doesn't yell.

"I can't!"

"Why not?"

"Because you wouldn't understand!"

"Then help me! Help me understand!" He yells in anger. He grabs my shoulders, turns me to face him then cups my face in his hands.

"Just help me understand, elsker. Please, your everything to me, please, don't leave me," He pleads.
His knees fail him, he falls to his knees, wrapping his arms around my waist and putting his head against my stomach. My shirt dampens slightly as I feel the fabric soak up his tears. More tears fall down my face. Deja vu kicks in from the time he had done this on the boat when he first said he loved me.

"Baby, please don't leave me," he begs.

"If I don't...you'll end up hating me."

"I would never hate you. I love you, I love you so much it hurts, please, don't leave," He sobs into my shirt.

"I...I have to. I love you too, that's why I have to go. That's why you need to go back to the island."

"Come with me, please it's not the same without you," he mumbles inti my shirt.

"I can't."

I pry away from his arms and begin to walk to the door. Pain surges through my chest, my feet felt like lead, I nearly had to drag them to the door.
Once I approached the door I hear a slam as Mads's fist hits the door beside me.

"No. I need to know why. I need to know...is it someone else?" He asks.
My heart breaks a little more. I shake my head.

"Never, I love you, and only you," I say.

"Then why? Is it Josh? Is he forcing you to do this?"

"Josh isn't the only person in my life Mads."

"What does that mean? Is it someone else that is forcing you? Who?"

"You are. I love you too much. I'd ruin everything. Mads, my family isn't what it seems, it's a nightmare, one that ruins other people. If I don't do this, you will lose everything," I try to explain.

"You're not making any sense."

"I can't tell you anything else. Please forgive me," I ask.
Silence overcame the large apartment. My skin was burning with regret, guilt, terror. I knew I had to do this, for him. Memories of what my father had done, the times I had witnessed his "power" all came flooding back. I knew that the love I had for Mads was so strong that I could force myself to do this for him. Sacrifice, thats what I needed to do for him.

"I don't know why you're doing this. But I love you too much to be mad, to much to not be sad, and far to much to let you go."

"You have to. If you love me, you have to."

He pins me to the door, moving his hands to cup my face, pressing his forehead to mine.
"Please," he whispers.
I close my eyes, not wanting to stare into his. I feel his face shift against mine, his lips graze my lips and suddenly I am consumed. His lips were a drug to me, how they perfectly molded with mine, how he sucked my bottom lip giving a bite here and there. His tongue swarmed my mouth and I gladly took it. My arms went around his neck, pushing myself against him. Begging for more.
His arms grasped the back of my thighs and he lifted me up, my legs wrapped around his waist. I felt my back being pushed hard against the door, my body completely against Mads.

How could I ever leave him?