Islands

44. The Island of Misery

3 months later...

That next morning. I woke up to Mads. I had gotten dressed and left. The guilt was eating me alive and it didn't stop. Every single day for the last 3 months, I dreamed about him, thought endlessly about him, craved him, cried over him. I needed him.

Winter came fast. No snow, however it was colder than any other winter. My body shook in the gown I wore. My lips were turning blue and yet I continued to run.

Josh and I, with my parents, had gone to a dinner party with many prestigous, wealthy, stuck up, people of all ages. My dress was designer, dark purple, elegent and beautiful. My hair was up in a bun. It was now blonde. Josh liked blondes and had told me to dye it. I cried when I did. My strawberry blond hair was one of the things that reminded me of Mads. How he loved to run his fingers through it. Now it was a white/yellow color.
I had lost every part of me over the last 3 monthes. My dreams of being a chemistry teacher were done for, having to drop out of school. I was isolated from friends and most of my family. Only my parents were willing to talk to me and they were the only ones that Josh allowed for me to see.
I had been dating Josh since that week that I said goodbye to Mads. It was the begining of my end.

Tonight, as Josh and my parents stared at me. With the entire room of prestigous snobs staring as the scene unfolded. Josh was on one knee, a diamond ring in hand. His speech was full of lies, his tone was as fake as a Soap opera actresses on cocaine. It was as if he was mocking me, taunting me with those words, "Will you marry me?" His grin was horrorfying and in that split moment of horror I thought of my night and shinning armor. Mads.

I was stunned, speechless, terrified of my future. Being married to the man who attacked me just monthes ago. Being married to a man like my father. Yes, of course I had always known what I was getting into but...I had always made excuses...I had always come up with an answer. But now, after 3 monthes full of misery, I had found the answer that made sense, the answer that I should have found like any other sane person would.

"No." I said this word and within that moment of defiance, my father's face turned red with anger. Josh's turned red with embarassment. My mother felt sorrow. I however, knew exactly what I wanted for the first time in my life. With that feeling inside of me, I ran.

I ran out the building, down the sidewalk, past crosswalks and townhouses. I ran so fast and so much that it wasn't until I found myself at my parents home did I realize that the pain in my legs were no longer an issue. I was to elated to feel weak. Before I could take another step however, a car screetched to a halt beside me. The door burst open and I knew that no amount of elation or happiness could prepare me for the pain that was coming. Josh had dragged me into the car. Held my arms at my side, his fingernails digging into my skin. The car door slammed shut and within a minute the car merged into traffic.
Josh's breathing was labored, his grip getting tighter.

"Josh," I let out his name with a painful tone.

"Stop talking. Don't say a single fucking word," he said angrily.

The drive took a mere 15 minutes. After a few stop lights, the car pulled over and Josh pulled me by my arm. Terror arose within me. I smacked Josh on the arm and yelled at him to let me go but he continued to drag me through the lobby of his apartment. I cursed him through the elevator doors but once the doors shut, leaving us alone, he turned to me with anger filles orbs and swung his hand across my face. My cheek burned, red and raw from the slap. His fingers gripped my jaw as I began to realize what he had done. His tight grip on my jaw only got tighter as I tried to pull away. He forced me to face him. I looked into his eyes, they were full of evil intent.

"You honestly think that by saying no, that I would stop? You are going to be with me for the rest of your life, just like we imagined. I paid a high price for you and I'm going to get my moneys worth," he said.

"What?" I mumbled as he grabbed my jaw.

"A girl like you has a high price and I paid it. Now, for embarassing me, for pissing me off, you're gonna pay a price."

I swallowed hard. The elevator doors opened and he continued to drag me like he did before.

Once he unlocked the apartment and pulled me inside, he let go of me. He pushed me causing me to slip onto the  hardwood floor.

"Go fix me a drink," he ordered. I shakily stood up and watched him pull off his tie.
I went to the living room, by the side liqeuer cabinet. I opened the cabinet and poured him a scotch, just the way he likes it. I turned to him and saw him sitting on the couch, staring at me intently. I handed him the drink and he downed it quickly.

"Take off the dress," he ordered.
Was he serious? I knew he was crazy, that he drank too much and was violent but he wouldn't rape me, would he?

I took it off. Just like he told me too, the dress pooled onto the floor, off my body. I was standing there in only my underwear. His head tilted to the sidex examining me. He licked his lips and put down his glass.
He made a "come here" motion with his fingure and ordered me.
"Come me, its time you learned what happens when you disobey me."

I had screamed, kicked, yelled, begged, pleaded for Josh to stop. He didn't. I felt used, disgusted, terrified. He had forced himself on me. He had forced me to do all of the terrible things my nightmared had warned me about. When he was done, he put the ring on my finger and said "No is not in my vocabularuly, sweetheart. You should be thankful that you didn't entirely piss me off, this situation you caused tonight was fixable."

At what seemed like 2 am. I had gotten dressed in my gown (what remained of it) and silently went out of his apartment. I hailed a cab, told the man to take me to my parents house, where I asked him to wait and keep the engine running. As I stepped out of the cab I had another thought run through my head. My father. So, I turned around knocked on the driver's window, which he rolled down. The man was dark, tall, muscular, with a nice smile. He was friendly. He had pictures of his family on the visor and some by the passenger visor as well.

"If I don't come out in less than 20 minutes, I need you to call 911."

His eyebrows furrowed. Clearing his throat, he looked around the townhouse then nodded.
"Miss, if you'd like, I can come in with you, if your scared. If your in some kind of trouble or in some bad situation, I can help you."

I shook my head.

"No, it'll be fine...just...if I dont come out in 20 minutes, please call for help. If a man comes out and tell you to leave, don't. Please," I pleaded on the verge of tears. He nodded.

I turned around went up the stoop, I grabbed the emergency key from the top panel of the door and unlocked it.

I hurried. I grabbed my suitcases, filled them with clothes, whatever was important to me and what was irreplaceable. After fifteen minutes, I went outside with my cases, the cab driver loaded them in the back. I told him that I needed to run inside. Once back in my bedroom, I went to the vent by my bedside table. I opened it up, pulled out the cash, stuffed it in my purse and left.

How many mistakes did I have to make before I could finally be happy?