It Was One Time (OITNB Fanfiction)

Chapter 27 - Worth.

Clementine's POV: I walked out of the cafeteria and pulled Nicky into the common room. We sat down at a table and I let out a huge sigh. "Okay, You're scaring me. What's up?" She asked. 

"Okay, before I say anything I need to say I'm not breaking up with you." I said. 

"Uh oh." She said. She sat back in her chair and crossed her arms over her chest. 

"I just...I'm scared, Nicky." I said. She raised her eyebrow and hunched over the table. 

"Did Chapman ask you to where dirty panties?" She asked with a smirk. I chuckled and pushed her shoulder playfully. 

"No," my smile dropped. "Nicky, when you broke up with me. I know I've said this before but that hurt. I was confused as to why I was still thinking about it after I had forgiven you but I think I know why." I admitted. Nicky's smile dropped as well. "Nicky, I can't get that image of you out of my head. That state you were in, god you looked like you were possessed. Like you weren't even you.." I said. 

She sighed. "What are you saying, Clementine? That you can't date an addict? Cause I'm always going to be one." She said. 

"No no no. That's not what I'm saying at all, believe me, this is going to be tricky. There's this whole part of you I don't understand fully but we can work through that. I'm just saying that I'm kind of scarred." I said. She laughed. 

"You're scarred?" She asked. I felt my cheeks get hot and I looked down so my hair dropped in front of my face. "Well, yeah." I repeated. 

"No, Clementine. I'm scarred. Every fucking day of my life all I can think about is going back. Staying clean is the hardest fuckin' thing I've ever done. So don't tell me that you're like, hurting or whatever because I am suffering. I am not okay and I don't need you venting to me about how this is hurting you because that's bullshit." She said. She got up out of her chair and walked out of the common room. I sat there with tears in my eyes and a group of people staring at me. 

"Great talk." I muttered.

I walked into Dorm A and saw Poussey Washington sitting with Taystee. I was still pretty shaken up over Nicky and I's conversation but I'm just gonna make like Severus Snape and push all my feelings down until I become an aggressive bitch. I grabbed a push- broom and started from the back of the from and worked my way up to the front. Washington's bunk was all the way at the end so when I walked to the end she said "Hey you're bathroom girl. They got you on our turf today?" She asked.

 "I'll be out of your hair in a bit." I said quietly.

 "In case you haven't noticed I ain't got much hair for you to be in and uh, it's no problem they got white chicks cleanin' in here all the time." She said. 

"Yeah, it's kinda refreshin' havin' y'all do the work for a change. Shit..." I heard Taystee say quietly. I chuckled. 

"What you think slavery's funny?" She asked. 

"No, just your comment." I replied. 

"So you and your friend sort things out?" She asked. 

"Girlfriend now. I think..." I said. 

"Oh, so you did." She remarked. She did some weird dance that seemed to mean something, wasn't quite sure what, though. 

"Well, we sorted out the sexuality thing...not sure about the drugs thing, though." I said. "Shit. Sorry. Wait, what drugs thing?" She asked. 

"I was very reasonable. Okay?" I said. I put the broom in my cart and stuck my hand on my hip. "I just said that her slipping really scared me and she got so offended. It's so stupid." I said. 

The girls both smirked before bursting into laughter. I sighed. "What?" I asked in a frustrated tone.

 "Girl, that's the stupidest shit I've ever heard." Taystee said. I scoffed. 

"Man, she's right. You gotta think how much it must be hurting her." Poussey remarked. 

"Okay, right. But what about Black Lives Matter? Just because all lives matter doesn't mean we can't talk about how black lives do." I said. They both stared blankly, obviously, they didn't get my analogy. 

"So if that's true why is not true that my feelings can't be valid just because hers are?" I said. 

"It's not the same thing, man." She said. I looked at her curiously. 

"She's mentally ill. Drugs fuck you up. If someone is lying on the ground bleeding out and you got a giant cut on your arm but you're not dying, why would you look at them and seriously say 'You don't get it, my arm hurts so much!'.". I looked down sheepishly. She was right. 

"Alright, I see what you mean." I admitted. She nodded and sat back down next to Taystee. After I finished cleaning both dorms I headed to dinner.

Today's dinner was spaghetti and salad. I sat in my usual seat and saw Nicky avoiding eye contact. "Hey, can I talk to you after dinner?" I whispered. 

"No, but you can go fuck yourself because I sure won't be doing anything for you." She said. She got up and sat down with Yoga Jones. She's never sat somewhere else before. 

"What was that about?" Renee asked. 

"We're kind of in a rough patch right now..." I said. 

"Again?" She asked. 

"Yes. Again. Is this more trouble than its worth?" I asked.

 "Only you can answer that, Sarah. Only you know how much it's worth." She said. I looked down at my plate and pushed the food around. I ate the wilted lettuce and cheese that tasted like plastic. 

"Hey Clementine, you doin' alright? You're lookin' worse than this lettuce and that's sayin' somethin'" Lorna said. I groaned as if to say "I'd rather die than talk". I guess the message was received because no one talked to me for the rest of the day. 

I regretted my decision to push Lorna and the rest away. The prison was lonely when you had no one to talk to. I've never been without a friend here. I'm lucky. I was thinking about Rivera and how she was friendless for days. I couldn't imagine how lonely that must've been. Probably about as lonely as I feel right now.

A/N Hey guys! How do you guys feel about Nicky's anger? Do you think Clementine should've said anything to Nicky about how she felt? Do you think Poussey and Taystee were right? Let me know in the comments below! And don't forget to vote. Bye!