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Chapter Five | Grapple of Reality
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        "KAITLYN CALM down!" Maddie yells after me as I clamper back into the living room and away from the thing that set my heart into overdrive.

Those two pink lines haunt my eyelids, no matter the  times I try to blinks the away, they appear in my sight. I felt sick, the constant churning and twisting of my intestines should have made me rush back toward the bathroom to release another rush of fluids, yet, it wasn't the same. I was more sick with myself, that I let something like this happen, the sickness that I felt before forgotten as my anxiety rises.

I swivel sharply on the heel of my foot, turning to face, glaring viciously at her. My emotions were all over the place, not exactly sure which one to focus on more; fear, sadness, anxiousness, regret, confusion and so many others that I couldn't names to them.

"'Calm down' you say!" I hiss at her, she presses her lips together, shifting her weight to her hip.

"How the fuck do you expect me to calm down when I just found out that there's a human being growing inside of me?!" I blow.

She sighs heavily, pushing back curls from her face and she stares with sullen eyes. "It's not all that bad, Kaitlyn."

A hoarse humorless laugh escapes my lips while I roll my eyes; that began to swim with building tears. "Oh, okay! Being pregnant is not bad, so not knowing who the father of my child is, isn't either?" I say sarcastically.

"You know that's not what I was trying to say, Kaitlyn," she mutters.

"Then what!?" I throw my hands up, clutching them in my hair before letting them fall to my side. "This is a baby! There's all things bad with this, Maddie."

"I don't know what to do!" I tell her, I move away and begin to head for the living room. "I'm barely keeping up with rent, my food is running low and I'm barely hanging onto that shït excuse of a job," I tell her in panic, whipping around to star into her eyes with watery eyes.

Her expression makes the tears flow out faster, the burning sensation behind them becoming unbearable as I take my weight take from off my feet and slump into the the sofa, burying my face into my hands, my hair acting as curtains over my face.

"Je suis tellement foutu. ." I mutter.

[I am totally fucked]

A shadow looms over me and the warmth of her hand radiates as she rests it on the top of my head, crouching down in front of me. Her palms remove my own from my face so that we're eye to eye, her soul peering through mine.

"How am I supposed to take care of this baby?" I question her in a whisper as if she had the answer, also trying to grasp on the reality that has fallen on my shoulders.

Flickering my gaze between hers, her expression softens as she readjusts my hands into hers giving it a warm squeeze, one filled with courage and the unspoken words that she's always graces me with.

"You'll work through it, I know you will."

The ends of my hair tickles my cheek as I shake my head, slowly and hesitantly, I place my free hand over my flat stomach as if to feel the growing life within me.

"I-I'm not sure if I'm going to keep it," my words flow into the air before I could initial wrap my mind around the option.

Time slows as Maddie's expression suddenly freezes, her eyes widening at me in disbelief. Her mind reels with the words that slipped from me, questions already beginning to form. Her mouth parts repeatedly.