Befallen childhood- Adopted by Hamilton

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"It's amazing how calm you whenever people stab you with stuff." She laughs, kicking her legs as she waits.

"Do you want to lay down?" The nurse asks. She nods, being helped to her back. "Feels funny, huh?" Liv nods, agreeing. "I'll be back to check in in a few." The nurse tells me to get her if I need her for anything. I thank her before she leave. We don't takk the entire time. She reads, I look at my phone, I read, she looks at her phone. Nothing interesting.

"So she has four and a half weeks left to start eating in her own. We'd like to have her eating in three and a half weeks without a tube. But it will probably not be the last of the ng tube she will see. The treatment may go very well, but there are several stages and her medicine and what we are doing to help her are both going to change. We don't know how she is going to react. So far, she has done well, but she needs a stronger medication and I can't guarantee that it will work on her." He rambles on and I get kinda bored. Sure it might be deadly or something. I kinda don't care that much. I'm just going wherever I'm dragged along. It'z not the best take on life but it's certain that when one thing in my life is fixed, something else comes crashing down. And leaving that behind for oblivion is far less scary to me than it has ever been. It's actually comforting. Sure, I'll be without Lin, but I believe I'll be without pain. Plus, whenever someone dies, I stare at the ceiling for hours just wondering where they are. I believe in heaven. So I wonder what it's like. I wonder if they can see me. If they care to. If they know when someone is thinking of them. At least I can find out if I do die. And if not, I have Lin. Let whatever happens happen. Please just don't leave me alive and untreated/improving. Lin goes to pick up my prescription with me after and I just space out, really tired. I want to just get in bed and sleep. It's only been two weeks of this. And from what I gathered, I'm likely not recovering. It's one one those game diseases I'm guessing.

How long can you keep the damn kid alive?

Even if it outs them through torture. I guess this realization is what has me down today. And I don't feel it going away. I try to ignore it by flooding my ears with music but still have to hdeal with my thoughts until I am able to drift off, wrapped in my warm blanket.

I wake to see a figure at the end if the bed.

"Hey." Carleigh says.

"Lin and Vanessa are out. Seb is asleep." I nod, turning from my side to my back and pushing myself up to sitting. "How are you feeling?"

"Okay, I guess, I reply, crawling out of bed. "What time is it?"

"Seven-thirty. They left fifteen minutes ago."

"Oh. I should put my tube in." I get up and walk to the kitchen, getting my bag, tube, and a glass of water before going to the bathroom.

"Do you need any help?"

"Thank but I've got it." She waits around the corner, I think on her phone.

"So what are you studying right now in school?"

"The renaissance, again."

"Again?"

"I've studied it twice already throughout my time in school."

"Are you in seventh grade?"

"Eighth. Well, I was. But this program is a little different. It's designed to fit the student and I'm not really classified." I ask her about her favorite subjects when she was in high school and eventually, we end up on the couch talking about it and then about musicals and the cast. But not gossiping. Just about funny things that have happened back stage. I don't talk that much but she doesn't seem to mind. She knows that I'm tired.

"I never really get to talk to you." She says. "Like, sometimes but, I didn't know much about you at all."

"Yeah. Same. But now I do." She nods, agreeing before putting my hair in a poof and her own. I laugh and she takes a selfie. I open my mouth, excited and she does the same thing. She posts it.

Hanging out with my mini me @oliviapark

"Olivia?"

"Yeah."

"Do you mind if I ask about that paper? The one you got on your birthday?"

"Not really. It was from when my mom went missing and left me. I don't know if she's out there but now I don't wonder. Even though I've discovered that no one else knows either. It's weird."

"Like a closure."

"I guess. 'Cause she chose to leave me. She wasn't kidnapped or anything. She ran away." She nods. "What's your favorite movie?" I ask. She understands that I want to move on. I want to just listen. We end up watching it until they come back and I go to bed after taking the tube out. I hate it. But I have to do it.