Beautiful Marriage

36. Drowing

Ashley

His eyes harden, he looked at me like I am a stranger, like he doesn't know who I am. It wasn't my secret to tell even though I  wanted to tell him but I also forgot because I have so much going on. He never stopped me from leaving there was this little part within​ me that hope he didn't mean what he said and he wouldn't let me leave. He let me​ go. He let me slip from his hand.

I know he was hurting, maybe I shouldn't​ had told him that I knew but when I see the pain in his eyes I know I have to let him knew that I believe him. Now I'm broken once again. I don't think my heart can take anymore pain because if it does it will be shattered completely.

Days has passed and he hasn't called me. I looked at the phone again without blinking hoping it would ring this instance and he would apologize. My phone was the only thing I take with me, nothing else and I haven't gone back to the house to get my things. I can't face him. He can throw them out for all I care. I'm not going back there. I turn up the music more and take a slice of my pizza eating.

This Christmas was my worst Christmas ever. Love has hurt me twice. Why is love so beautiful yet so cruel?

I tried not to cry and hold it together but every time I think about him, how he's so sweet, how he supported me. They way he teaches me to know my worth and gosh don't forget about the sex. It bring tears to my eyes. I have cried so much and I just want it to stop but I don't know how to, how to move on.

I wanna die. I can't do this anymore. I just can't.

"Drowing yourself in love music isn't going to help." Lisa shouted at me as she grabbed the remote from my hands and turn off the music.

"Leave me alone." I groan as I tried to grab the remote from her.

"Ashley it's been a week and all you do is cry, eat ice cream, pizza and depress yourself."

"He hasn't even call me."

"He's an asshole okay, now go take a bath you stink."

"I don't want to."

"If you don't go am doing to get that hose and turn it on you."

"I have fallen in love with him and this is how he treats me. You should have seen the way he looked at me." I start to cry again. "First it was Joel now him."

"Your are a queen don't let any man make you think your not now go take a shower and keep your head high to prevent your crown from falling."

I lay back in the coach and pull the sheets over my head. I'm not moving, I'm now glued to this spot.

"Matt, bring a buck of ice cold water!" Lisa yelled. I immediately jump up and rush to the bathroom.

I take a nice long warm bath hoping it would make me feel better but it didn't help. I got dressed in his sweatpants and his shirt that he have given to me sometime ago. I just want to smell him.

"Here." I handed Lisa a knife. "Cut my heart out please."

"What are you crazy!" She yelled, hiding the knife.

"I don't want to think about him."

"But your wearing his clothes Ashley. What the hell is wrong with you!" She yelled at me so loud that Matt came rushing down.

"I'm broken." I groan suddenly the door bell rings.

"Matt watch her and don't let her do anything stupid." Lisa command Matt before leaving to open the door.

"Is uncle Nathan responsible for making you so sad." Matt asked looking at me.

I don't want to hear his name "yes Matt. Do me a favor don't fall it love because it hurts so bad."