Adopted by Lin Manuel Miranda

Mothers and Almost Mothers

I have always cried during It's Quiet Uptown, well, who doesn't?

But I had never understood the pain of loosing a child. I always cried for pity on the Hamiltons and the loss of Phillip.

I hope no one will ever understand what Angelica is talking about in the verses of It's Quiet Uptown. The pain is unbelievable.

I had sympathy for the Hamiltons. Now I have empathy.

We packed up all of our things from the hospital room, and then we were discharged, after checking my mental state.

Everyone thought I was crazy for sobbing for five hours straight after I heard the devastating news. The only reason I stopped was because I had a fit of screaming at anyone and everything.

Okay, I see where they got the mentally unstable thing. But I'm fine now, if you consider wanting to crawl into a hole and die 'fine'.

Anthony and I drove to Jazzy's apartment, but I couldn't sleep or get comfortable there, so we drove to Lin's place and we settled there. I couldn't sleep at all, I just stayed awake thinking about everything.

Would my pain be worse if I had gotten to know my child, or is it more painful because I had only held my child twice?

Would it be worse if I were older, or is it better that I am younger and more naive?

What would I be doing if my precious Alivia were here right now?

'How would it be's and 'would it's were my only thoughts.

I know that the world isn't fair. I know it isn't any good to blame it on anyone or ask why it happened to me.

My crying and thinking was interrupted by a knock on my bedroom door. I said a measly "yes?" and Vanessa entered with a tray with some cookies and a glass of milk on it. She walked in and set the tray on my bedside table.

She cautiously sat down next to me and just examined me. "How are you?" she asked, immediately looking like she regretted saying that. "Dumb question. I know you must feel utterly awful."

And with that, I broke down. "I don't know what to do. How am I supposed to move on from this?"

Vanessa cast me a look of sorrow and sympathy. "Honey, I don't know what to tell you. Just do your best to get back into your routine of living. How about focusing on your wedding with Anthony? Once you feel slightly better we can go wedding dress shopping."

I started sobbing harder with the mention of marrying Anthony. I never  confronted him about those pictures online.

"Corisinade, what is the matter? Well, obviously I know what the matter is. Again, dumb question." Vanessa rambled.

"It's the wedding. I can't get married to Anthony. I just can't." I cry.

"And why is that, honey?" Vanessa said, throughly confused.

I dove into the details, how I was browsing through Instagram and how I found account and went to their website and then how I found the pictures of Anthony with all of those girls, buying a pregnancy test, and going to bars and getting into fist fights.

"And then I tried to confront Anthony, but right when I did, the baby started to act up. And here we are." I sobbed into my mother's chest.

"Shhh. It's all right." Vanessa said while caressing my hair.

"What did I do to make him do this?" I cried.

"Oh honey, it isn't you. It is Anthony. He has done this before. Cheating on you. Getting into fights. And you've forgiven him. You've forgiven him one too many times in my opinion", Vanessa said with anger, yet her voice was calm and smooth.

You have married an Icarus. He has flown too close to the sun.

"What should I do?" I said sitting up. "And can I have one of those cookies?"

"Of course you can. And you have to end things with Anthony as soon as possible", Vanessa paused and grabbed my a cookie from the tray that she brought in what feels like hours ago, and then she continued, "Actually, confront him once you are done grieving. Just because he has done awful things to you doesn't mean you don't love him still.

"You can't deal with another heart break right now. Not that you aren't strong or that your aren't already grieving him, but the loss of a child and the loss of your partner is too much for anyone to bear."

"Thank you, Mom. Thank you for everything", I said smiling up at my mother.

Now it was Vanessa's turn to cry. She cried and cradled me, rocking me back and forth.

I laughed a little and asked what that was for.

"I just love you. It is different with Sebastian. He has to accept me, I am his actual mother. And he is only two. He is completely dependant on me. But you're practically eighteen. You don't need me as much. And we adopted you. You chose us. And that makes the world to me", Vanessa sighed and wiped away her tears, then chuckled, "And I'm on my duel."

Duel was our code word for period, in honor of Hamilton and Burr. And Charles Lee and John Laurens. And Phillip and George Eacker. Dang, they had gun control issues.

We laughed through tears. And then my laughs turned into sad tears. And then I went through another cycle of sobbing into Vanessa's shoulder. Vanessa didn't object or tell me to get ahold of myself.

She only got up when she heard a knock at the door and remembered that Lin had to take Sebastian to a doctor's appointment.

I went into my bathroom and wiped away my tears and splashed water onto my salty face. I took a shaky breath and tried to smile at myself, but I couldn't.

In due time, I thought to myself.

Vanessa knocked on my open door and I walked into my room. "Cori?" I raised my eyebrows response.

"I have a surprise for you. Some one who I know will cheer you up", she said hopefully.

"I could use some cheering up", I said smiling a small, sad smile.

And with that a person I didn't expect to see for a while walked into my room, and back into my life.

I'm sorry about the cliffhanger. Who am I kidding, I love cliffhangers when I am writing the book, just to see your guys' guesses and reactions. But as a reader I despise them. Especially if the author doesn't update regularly. (I'm getting better.)

And I'm sorry if this book seems like a really bad soap opera that never ends and has the same plots over and over again.

Thank you for reading my soap opera book about a musical and their actors and for voting for it.

Any who, please tell me who you think just walked into Cori's room! Not that it is hard to guess.

~Tara.

Ps. Again, not proofread. I have just given up on proof reading. I know that is terrible. But okay. Bye!