Colours|| k.th + j. hs [Completed]

Red Water

TW: This whole "red" section depicts and introduces some gnarly topics. Please continue at your own discretion.

Note: The Beginning.

I've known fear all along.

I've always tried to ignore it. Curling myself into my own. I've shielded my heart away from it all, but somewhere deep within my sadden thoughts it grew. Budding itself through hateful energy until finally, I bloomed.

HoSeok stood emotionless beneath the heavy pelts of the heated shower, the scalding water beating down against his head as he watched the red swirl into the lightest shades of pink before disappearing down the rusted drain.

    It's been months since he's met the guys and as much joy as they brought him, he couldn't hide the fact that he still struggled. These thoughts returned every night, taunting him. Twisting and morphing into the things he feared the most. He'd always end up putting on a smile for everyone, for himself.

  How long does a smile truly last? He'd ask himself. They say that pain doesn't last forever and HoSeok supposes that in that sense when he felt the small pricks against his papery thin skin....It didn't.

    That after all the blood has flown down the drain, he'd grow numb. Then, it truly made sense. It made sense that the bruises that still kissed his once smooth skin ceased to ache after the deed was done.

   But why does his heart still hurt?

Dragging in a deep breath, he quickly built up the courage to take a glance at the fogged covered mirror, using his bare palm to erase bits of his indiscretions. Everyday was the same, almost like a simple and mindless routine he's created. From school to home. Nothing exciting until night fell and he finds himself once more beneath the scalding heat. Frozen as he watched the glimmering red water slowly slip down the drain.

     Later, he'd then find himself standing before the mirror, picking and prodding at his raw red flesh. This isn't beautiful. HoSeok would be lying if he claimed that his fear didn't attack his appearance. Twisting the truth into false. He wasn't sure about Body Dysmorphia nor did he want to be sure about it.

    Its too painful to accept his faults. The games his mind played. HoSeok tried though, he did.

    Finally, his eyes would fall from the disgrace that stood before him. A reflection that he was immensely terrified of. Haggard and disheveled, dark bags changing his once beautiful and soft features into that of a zombie. HoSeok was tired, tired of experiencing restlessness, night after night, day after day. At this point, he was contemplating it.

Though he wouldn't say the words out loud, he felt it in his bones. The way they creaked and ached, and grew cold. They screamed to be released from their daily pains of being battered and assaulted. He did it to himself and of course he's begged himself to stop but even though he was surrounded by these faces, these beautiful smiling faces that were all so new though so familiar to him. They'd never understand.

Maybe all except for Jimin.