Messed Up Love // Chandler Riggs // fanfiction

1)

WARNING-

If you're sensitive with self harm, suicide, mental illnesses or rape I suggest you do not read this. Thankyou.
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*****

Chandler's POV

I'm holding the blue and red pills in my hand. They're small circle ones, I'm staring at the box that the pills came from, 'do not take more then 6 within 24 hours hours.' Well I was holding at least 15-20 in my hand. I'm actually about to do this, finally, after years and years of suffering.

I felt like every fiber of me was vibrating with anticipation. Adrenaline was coursing through my veins. My hands trembled and my eyes were wide. This is what it feels like, too finally end it all.

I take the small pills in both my hands and practically shove them down my throat. They taste fucking horrible but like I gave a shit, I swallowed down hard. I slid my back against the wall onto the floor and closed my eyes, waiting for it all to be over.

Gina (Chandler's mum) POV

Shit, where are my keys? Ahh found them. I was coming home early from work today, I didn't tell Chandler, I wanted to surprise him. Maybe we could watch a movie together? I felt terribly guilty about being so depressed lately, I hardly even talk to him, I don't even know him anymore. Every since his father, William, had died I fell into deep depression and I had just about saved up enough money to get help. I haven't made an appointment yet but I will. Eventually.

I need to apologise to my own son for not speaking to him. Or even looking after him. How has he been eating? I sure as hell haven't fed him in a long time. Am I really such a bad mother?

I pulled up in the driveway next to house 46, Dol Eithen road. We lived in Atlanta, Georgia. I was hoping to move to California one day, where there was no memories of William.

I shoved the key into the hole and turned, pushing the door open.

"Chandler, I'm home early, I need to talk to you" I shouted quite loud, it's the first time I've spoken this loud in a few years, hell its the first time I've even spoken to him for months.

I didn't get a reply. He hates me for being like this, he needed me when William died and I wasn't there for him. Just myself.

"Chandler?" This was more like a whisper.

I ran upstairs and knocked on his door. His door had a painting of his name on it, he made it when he was little. I'm surprised he still has it on his door.

He didn't answer so I invited myself in. But no one was there. Maybe he went out for a walk.. or with friends? That's good, at least he doesn't shut himself out like me.

I needed to look at myself, look at the rubbed off mascara and bags under my eyes. I longed to feel unexcepted.

I made my way to the bathroom, along the hall hallway. I needed to redecorate this place. The walls had old wallpaper which was coming off at the corners and the carpet had stains from my puke a few years ago when I couldn't stop drinking because of William.

I had opened the door and my heart stopped.
Chandler was on the floor
Chandler was on the floor
Chandler was on the floor
There was pills on the floor and I screamed, tears flooding down my face. I cupped my hands on his face and was screaming at him to wake up. I feel the exact same as I did when I found William dead.

My body was curled up into a ball now, my heart feels as if it's been stabbed by over 100,000 blades over and over again.
The sadness flowed through my veins and deadened my mind. It was a poison to my spirit, sadness, dulling my other emotions until it was the only one that remained. It was as if a black mist had settled upon me and refused to shift. I would feel no sun and hear no bird song for a long, long time now. My world was lost to the darkness now.

I had to call an ambulance

"P-please come quick, 46 dol eithen. M-my son has... killed himself"

I couldn't breath.

*****

"Mrs Riggs, you're son is alive. We have taken the pills out of his system and he will be awaken in a few hours. You had came home just in time." The doctor had told me this without even smiling, who doesn't smile when they deliver news someone is alive??

"Thank you doctor" inside I felt relief. My son was alive. Thank fuck.

I made my way inside the room where Chandler was, he was attached to many machines. It was horrible seeing him like this.
I moved a chair next to the hospital bed, you could tell the chair was going to break soon.

I put my hand on Chandlers, spotting the white lines on his wrists. I broke down crying. You can still feel the cuts when you stroke your fingers over them. I really knew nothing about my own son.

Chandler's POV

I had awoken in a hospital bed. My first words were..

"Shit"

HAI GUYS, sorry about this chapter, this is just the beginning though remember ;) I have the whole thing planned out and I can't wait to finish it.

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