Messed Up Love // Chandler Riggs // fanfiction

5)

Chandler's POV

I woken up around 2am from a nightmare, I've had this nightmare 4 times this week. I didn't sleep the other nights.

The dream takes place in my old house, In the bathroom I had tried to kill myself in. It looks exactly the same as it was on that day. Red stains on the floor, both wine and hair dye because I went through a stage when I died my hair loads of colourful colours. The wallpaper was tearing off in the corners and the mirror had toothpaste on it.

I was standing there, with my blade in my hands, looking at myself in the mirror crying.

I could see a black figure stood behind me in the mirror although when I turned around it wasn't there, I turned back to the mirror and it was there.

Cut deeper it said

I looked at the blade, it had red marks all along the bottom.

Cut your fucking arm off. You deserve it.

It was right though, I did deserve it. I deserve all the pain I've been and going through. I deserved everything.

I lifted the blade up with my right hand and slid it through my left wrist, watching the blood climb out.

Good, now slide the blade through your neck... I promise you it'll be quick and harmless.

Within seconds I did it. I listened to the devilish voice.

Within seconds it took over my body and the darkness spread, I turned into a shadow.

I had no control in my body, the darkness was.

The next thing I knew I was out in the street. There was this girl who I had never seen before, sitting on a bench reading. She was blonde, had her hair probably up to her bum but I wasn't sure as she was sitting down. She had sparkly green eyes. Thin eyebrows and a small nose, my heart pounded when I saw her.

The darkness killed her, with the blade I killed myself with, and that's when I always wake up. In a panic.

Although I've never saw her before, I think of her a lot, I draw her aswell.

*****

My last breakfast here, never thought this day would come. It's finally here, I'm free.

I'm having beans on toast this morning, preparing for what lies ahead of me today, I'll see my mother after two years. I don't get why she hasn't came to visit me for these years, I mean she spent all her money for me to come here.

Now that I'm 19 i'm old enough to get my own house, that'll be the first thing. Move out of the house terrible things happened in.

I had make good friends with one of the workers here, to make it easier for me, and she gave me a cowboy hat for some reason because I was going. It had a golden wire around the hat and to be honest I thought it was pretty cool. To show my gratitude I gave her a big smile, which I've learned to do since I had loads of free time.

I was free to go at 11am, it was 10:30am now, I'm sat at the dinner table staring at the clock, waiting.

I was thinking about what I'd say to my mother, would I tell her I'm better or that I'm still unstable? Would she send me back, probably. Let's just tell her I'm better and move the hell out as she didn't even make the effort to come here.

The first thing I'd do, go to my dads grave. I never actually visited him before. I didn't even go to his funeral, I don't feel guilty. He put me in so much hell. I wanted to go to him and tell him how much of a screwover he is, it's fair.

I was now thinking about that girl, I think about her a lot to get my mind off other stuff, who is she? I have no fucking idea. There must be a reason I dream about her this often, no sorry, nightmares*

I wanted to meet her, she looks sweet and fragile but at the same time she looks poisoness. Like she could do anything to me, I'd be vulnerable around her. I'm guessing she'd have her own problems, her own cuts. But I could be wrong. She could be a happy little girl which I'd envy.

I envied everyone who was happy and had their own little family. What did I do to deserve this?

It was now 11:05am, and I was free to leave, Dr. Urie had given me a ride to my mothers house.
I had knocked the door before he stood in front of me and led me into the house with his copied key. Why does he have a key?

"Mum?"... "I'm home"

There was no answer. I looked over to Dr. Urie and he looked at me with concern.

"Where's my mother" I asked quite sternly.

"6 months ago your mother was involved in a car accident. She happened to be driving drunk."........ what

"Why the actual fuck didn't you tell me?" I mean, he should've told me, what if I actually was better and this made me crazy again?

Great first day.

*****

I found an unopened bottle of bourbon in my mothers cabinet, except now it was empty.

It burned my throat when I had downed practically the first 4 glasses.

My mother is dead.
My father is dead.
My brother ran away.

I have no one.

I am truly alone.

Going through my mothers stuff, I would a picture next to her bed, it was a family picture. Dad, Mum, Greyson and I. I have no idea why she still has that. We weren't a family. We never were. I'm the only one that's left. Except Greyson was still out there, who knew what he had become. I needed to find him.

I passed out on the sofa. Who knows? I might be the next family alcoholic.

thanks for reading this omg you're all perfect!!! So who do you think that girl he's dreaming of is?

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