Messed Up Love // Chandler Riggs // fanfiction

6)

Chandler's POV

I woke up with a banging headache, water was my new friend. I had exactly 5 bottles of water within an hour.

My father used to drink first thing in the morning, to help his hangover. He'd be drunk by noon. Although most of the time he was still drunk when he woke up.

I always told myself as a child not to turn out how I've turned out. I'm ashamed what I've turned out like, it really would be better If I was dead. I thought of my father and mother so low and to think what I've turned into, a suicidal prissy, I'm ashamed. I'm forced to deal with what I feel.

Go away thoughts
Go away
Go away
Leave me alone
Leave me alone
Go away
I just want to be normal

But never will I ever be normal. Maybe if I hadn't of dropped out of school and went the other way in life, I'd have a beautiful girlfriend and be living with her someone In the countryside. Where it's peaceful and there's no harm. But of course I'm the way I am, just like my parents. What had Greyson become? I thought. Did he become the complete opposite of me or are we the same, mentally fucked up?

I forced myself to get upstairs to the bathroom, I didn't shower yesterday so I definitely need to shower now and probably brush my teeth, I'm guessing it smells like horrid alcohol.

I pulled a long string which makes the water come out, it's a bit of a weird way to turn a shower on. But that's home.

I guess.

I climbed into the shower, standing there. Letting all the fluids drizzle down on my face, it was boiling. But I liked it. Reminded me of the firery depths of hell. Of course I didn't believe in hell or heaven, but if they are real, I'm definitely going to hell.

I don't even care, hell sounds better then heaven, I'm used to suffering.

I slipped reaching for my shampoo bottle on the highest shelf, bumped my head on the side of the bathtub (yes my shower is inside my bathtub) and started at the ceiling, until it was pitch black.

*****

I was standing in the middle of nowhere, pitch black. I shuffled a few directions but I couldn't find anything. I could feel eyes on me though.
Not just any eyes. Her eyes.

Those sparkling green eyes were no longer sparkling, they were thirsty. For my blood.

Just then a long sharp blade made its way through my stomach. Leaving a killing pain.

I looked up from the blade and I was her... right in front of my face. Those green eyes had tears, I wondered why. As she did just kill Me.

Her lips placed onto mine. And that's when I wake up.

*****

I have no idea what the dreams about this girl means, but I do want to find out. Her long blonde hair intriges me. That was the first time I had had a different dream about her. I always dreamed about her dying... not me dying.

I had woken up, still wet, inside the bathtub, the shower was still running. I hurried to turn it off. I shuffled to my bed and laid on it. Thinking about her.

It was only 11:27am, I still had the whole damn day ahead of me. It's already been a hell of a productive day.

I checked all the cupboards for any sort of food and all I could find were diet crackers and gone off mouldy strawberry's. I needed to go grocery shopping. As much as I really hated being in public, I had to if I didn't want to starve.

But if course I wanted to starve myself, die of starvation.

I put on a red and black plaid shirt along with a pair of blue jeans and socks. I grabbed my shoes on the way to my mothers car and put them on inside of the car.

My mothers car was just a cheap little red polo car. Nothing special. At all.

I drove to the nearest- outside of town grocery store I could see. It was quite small, good enough for me. But of course my insides were driven with anxiety, quick shop and leave.

I started moving fast, faster and faster. I added 5 ready made pizzas into the basket, disgusting but they'll do for food. I picked up ice cream aswell, ice cream is there for everyone when they're down. Until it's all gone, nothing ever lasts. Remember that.

I remember the feeling of slitting through my skin. Excitement. Thats what I felt. I feel it now, it makes me miss the blood dripping from my wrists. I was excited and I needed to get out of here.

I speed walked, almost running, trying to get out. I turn a corner and before I knew it I had bumped into this girl, dazzling green eyes and very long blonde hair. It was her. The fucking girl from my dreams. Right in front of me.

She looked frightened, like she knew me. Without noticing she had apologised and left the store. I was shocked.

I just saw the girl from my dreams, she was so beautiful. But in a way I was scared of her, I don't know if she knows me at all but I need to find her again.

I don't know how but that means I'll have to get out more. In public.  Fuck. Anxiety. Depression. 

I'm not going to survive one full day out in public. I was made to be invisible. I don't want to feel that I have all the eyes on me. Wait. Why am I even doing this for her?? I don't even fucking know her name so what the fuck??

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