Messed Up Love // Chandler Riggs // fanfiction

7)

Sorry guys I haven't had any wifi, and I don't have any money for credit as I spent it all on band merch. Oops.

Lauren's POV

I woke up that morning with bruises on my face. I dreamt about him again last night. I have idea who the fuck he is but every night I dream of this man, probably 17 or 18, attractive looking, brown long hair and striking blue eyes, getting eaten by wolves. I've had this dream repeatedly for a month now. I longed to know what it meant.

I couldn't remember the previous night but I know exactly what happened. He had beaten me again. The love of my life had once again raised his fist to the mother of his child.

Well it wasn't his child, that's what he thinks. If I told this to anyone they'd think I was a slut. But boy do they know shit.

Around two months ago, I was raped. I hadn't told anyone this, but sometimes I really wish I did. Sometimes I feel like shouting it across the world, getting it out. It was so horrific having to keep it locked inside of me.

*****

WARNING:-
Please do not read this if you're upset about rape, I will say when this is over. Just scroll until you see bold writing. love you all <3 message me if anythings up, I always answer. Xxxx

I was at a friends party. I didn't want to be there but my friend insisted, as it was her birthday party, and knowing me I couldn't turn her down.

So that night I put on my best pair of black ripped jeans and my favourite band shirt, it was an All Time Low Future Hearts shirt. My parents were out of the country for a few weeks so that means I had their car, it wasn't anything that would strike people's attention. Which was great for me because I hated attention. Well I took a few wrong turns and a I ran some red lights but I got to the party within an hour which was a record for me. I made sure to park my parents car a few houses down so no junkies would wreck the car. I made my way through all the people on the front lawn who were already drunk and I went into the house. I know one thing for sure and that was I definitely wasn't going to consume any alcohol tonight. Which was a shame because I don't think I've ever actually gotten drunk before, sure I've drank a bit at family occasions but I was never full on wasted. Mind myself the only bad things I've done is probably to myself. I glanced around the room looking for anyone I could possibly know so I wouldn't have to be here alone.  Well Jess ( my friend ) did know like a lot of fucking people. I knew for sure no one in this room knew me or even wanted to know me. I walked into the kitchen trying to avoid all the drunks. There, Jess was in the corner of the room sorting the snacks and drinks. I quickly went to her.

"Hey Lauren, you made it!" She seemed happy I was here.

"Yeah like I had a choice" I was uncomfortable here, I knew she knew.

I looked straight past Jess to see a man looking me up and down. He was attractive, I had to admit. He looked like Andy Biersack crossed with Johnny Guilbert. My cheeks were getting warmer, I told Jess I was going to the toilets to freshen up but really I just wanted to go. I wasn't even here for 15 minutes and I was leaving. My unsocial/ social anxiety self always ruled me.

I reached my hand out to the door knob, when that guy who was eyeing me had got hold of my wrist, making me wince in pain since I had, recently, injured myself. 

"Hey, you just got here, you sure you want to leave? I'm Josh by the way."

His breath fanned me and I smelt the strong smell of alcohol. This guy was drunk. He could be dangerous.

"Sorry, I have to go to the loo" and with that I made a run for it upstairs. I wasn't sure why I was so eager to get away from people all the time. My only friend was Jess, and that was only because she's friends with everyone. She's nice to everyone. Not afraid to be who she is.

Halfway up the stairs I felt a pair of arms wrap around my waists and I tried to squirm but his arms were tight around me.

"What the fuck are you do-" he cut me off.

"Shh babygirl it'll be quick, I promise" he carried me then into the closest bedroom in sight, his hand covering my mouth stopping me from screaming.

I was panicking now. I was about to loose my virginity and worse, I was going to loose it by being raped. I attempted by fighting back but it only turned out to be helping him take my clothes off. By now my shirt was off and my jeans were halfway down my legs. He muttered something under his breath although I couldn't make out what it was. We were in Jess's parents room I'm guessing. On their bed. My stomach was twisting and turning while Josh was sucking my neck like his life depended on it. I'm guessing he felt my tears on his shoulders because he immediately wiped them away and went to my underwear. He tried to tickle my lower stomach and I just told him to go to hell before trying to scream, but I think it just sounded like two teenagers having a good time. I decided to give up. Give up with everything. Just stay still. His hand was over my mouth so there was no use. I was done.

*****

It's done guys. :(( xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I practically pulled myself out of bed and headed straight for the bathroom, immediately throwing up into the toilet. Morning sickness. Fucking great. After I was done I went downstairs to my boyfriend, Gerard, making toast for me. He told me about the previous night, what had happened and how the bruises had appeared on my face. He apologised and I believed him. It's our routine, he'd abuse me and I'd forgive. Fun.

I never dared telling him what happened that night at the party. He's too stupid to realise that the baby was made two months before me and him first did it.

I thought if I told him that he'd kill me, which would obviously kill the baby too. Im the only one who knows about my dream. I'm the only one who knows about that night, who knows about my thoughts. My horrible suicidal thoughts. I stopped cutting soon after I met Gerard, more like he made me. He told me if he saw a fresh cut then he'd make some himself. I wanted to get out the house today, well to get away from him.

I didn't bother getting changed, I stayed in yesterday's clothes. God I hate myself. I told Gerard I was going Grocery shopping and I'd be back in a few hours because I'm going to drop some flowers off at my mothers grave. He offered to come with me but I shrugged and told him I was fine.

*****

I was in the frozen food isle, looking for frozen pizza as I'm too awkward to order one. I had chosen the most uncrowded place in town. Which was great for me because I hate people and interaction, as you know.

I turned a corner with my full basket making my way to the tills and I accidentally bumped into a man, his head was facing downwards so I couldn't see his face.

"I-I'm sorry" I wanted to leave desperately, my cheeks were burning red from embarrassment. The man had looked up and my jaw dropped. It was him, the guy from my dreams. Oh my fucking god he fucking exists. I was terrified. Without thinking I laid my basket on the floor and ran out of the store without looking back. 

I went into my car practically crying, my hands cupping my face. I had seen this man in my dreams so many times and I have no idea why.

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