Four Versions

2.

I had imagined it would be easy to walk in and go upstairs to my room, but all my hopes of doing that were crushed the moment I opened the door. My mother sat on the counter, a cigarette in her hands and she was staring out of the window. She slowly turned her head towards me and dimmed the cigarette in the ashtray. She crossed her arms over her chest and watched me unbutton my jacket and pull off my shoes.

I walked towards her and hid my hands behind my back so she couldn't see they were shaking.

'Young lady, where have you been?'

I sighed and looked down. My head was spinning with ways to lie to her, but I knew she would find out eventually and that would only bring me more shit. 'I was with Lizzy.'

My mother's face hardened and her eyes squinted. 'You're lying,' she stated.

I rolled my eyes and threw my hands in the air. 'No mother, I'm not lying. I don't know why you always think I am some sort of rebel. I know you don't like Lizzy, but we were just watching a movie and lost track of time. The busses didn't drive anymore so I had to walk all the way from her house to mine. You know it's a walk of an hour.'

My mother sighed and untied the bun in her hair. It fell over her shoulders and when I finally really looked at her I realized how tired she was. I stepped closer to her but she held her hand up to stop me.

'Don't, I am fine Victoria. Now go to bed, you know tomorrow is an important day.' I silently nodded my head and ran upstairs. There were many days where I caught my mom crying, clawing her skin and screaming. She was stressed out; maybe even on the edge of a burn-out and there was nothing I could do about it.

I laid down on my bed and turned on the heater. Even my room was cold, which wasn't surprising since it was on the second floor. My bed was right under the window, which allowed me to look out to the sky in the evening. Just like every night, I looked up at the stars and wished for the same thing, in hope that one day, my wish might be granted.

'I wish I knew true happiness.' Without changing, showering or brushing my teeth, I fell asleep in bed. The cold air in my room was replaced with the warm air of my heater and in no time my whole body felt like it was wrapped up in a warm blanket.