Four Versions

21.

‘Jesus Victoria, sit still! We can’t make pictures of you if you keep on moving that pretty little face of yours,’ the photographer smiled. ‘Just a bit more to the right, yes, no more to the left, yes. Perfect. You look like an angel in this lightning.’

I couldn’t contain my smile anymore and just decided to let go of the nerves and be confident. I was wearing a bikini; apparently it was a great idea to lose those pounds. If I had known it would be this kind of photoshoot I would’ve gone even harder. The bikini fit perfectly, but I couldn’t help but shift all the time and put my hands in front of my stomach. I wasn’t very comfortable  and I was sure that it showed on the pictures.

‘Come on Victoria, show me some of that natural beauty.’

I tried to smile but I really couldn’t anymore. It just felt like everything was fake. ‘I’m so sorry, can I catch a five minute break?’

The photographer, his name was Harold, smiled politely and nodded. ‘Of course, as long as you feel comfortable.’

I bit my lip and shook my head. It would be a wrong move to show my true feelings to him; it could be fatal in my work. Of course he would talk to the manager of the company about how we acted during the shoot. It wouldn’t be right if I broke down in tears, sobbing over my own body. No, I just had to suck it up. Or, if I looked down, suck it in.

Suddenly someone clapped in their hands and pointed to their watch. ‘Come on, five minutes are over and we haven’t even did the leather clothes and the bathing suits yet.’

~~~

I wiped a layer of sweat from my brow and sighed when I walked into the changing room where Ari and Sasha were waiting for me. I hadn’t set one foot in the room yet and they were already bombarding questions at me.

‘Oh my gosh, how was it?’ Sasha smiled and nodded as she eyed me up and down. ‘That bathing suit looks amazing on you.’

I smiled. ‘Thank you. I think you are going to wear the same in a minute, because you’re next.’

Ari sighed and fiddled with her hands. ‘Man, why couldn’t they hire more photographers? I can’t wait to get out there and finally show what I’m good at.’

‘I think it’s because he wants to observe us all individually. And aren’t you nervous?’

Sasha answered for her and shook her head with a smug smile on her face. ‘Come on man, I’m made for this job. Seriously, there is nothing I’d rather do than this. Sorry for you guys, but I have to win this competition.’ She shook her hips and made an elegant turn and then posed for the imaginary camera’s.

‘I’m a natural talent.’

I scoffed and crossed my arms, annoyed by her over-confidence. ‘You almost sound arrogant Sash, that’s not a good quality when you’re a model remember? Confident but not arrogant.’

She threw her arm in the air and waved her hand at me. ‘Whatever, I am allowed to act overconfident in a while. I mean, they don’t take insecure messes like you either.’

Ari gasped and quickly opened her mouth before Sasha could say more. ‘Come on Sash, apologize. You know you should never play on someone’s weak points.’

I lowered my head and avoided Ari’s stare. ‘Don’t bother,’ I said while looking up at Sasha again. ‘Some people just don’t know how to be nice to others.’

And with that, I decided I had to walk away. I stepped outside, still in my bathing suit, and let the wind blow all the burdens off of my shoulders. It felt like the weight I had to carry just kept on growing with the stress of this competition. But Sasha had been right; it was me who had asked for her help, not the other way around. I wasn’t confident or strong in my opinions; I was weak and everyone knew it. Even the photographer, whom I didn’t even know, knew that I actually wasn’t suited for this job.

The sky started to get clouded and it got darker within seconds, meaning that it would rain. I thought about going back in, but the thought of seeing Sasha made my skin boil at this moment, so I chose against it. Maybe this was the perfect example of letting out some steam; I could dance in the rain and jus throw it all out.

In a matter of seconds, raindrops fell out of the sky and it started to poor. The rain was dripping on my skin and the feeling of coolness was just so refreshing; it instantly lightened my mood. I stood up, threw my hands in the air and stepped fully into the rain. I danced a weird dance and started to yell some words even I didn’t comprehend. I was so in the flow of letting my worries drop, that I unconsciously started to walk an imaginary catwalk. I posed for the camera and with my momentary confidence I felt like I could conquer the world; if only they would give me a chance to. I closed my eyes and ignored the voice in the back of my mind that said it wouldn’t be smart to dance in the rain while being half naked. For now, I just wanted to have fun. No worries. No fake friends and no self-doubt. Now it was just me and myself, enjoying the little things in life.

I felt like someone was looking at me, but even that I pushed back to where it came from. I didn’t know how much time passed before I decided I had enough of the rain, but it really felt good. This was the little thing I needed, and somehow, the earth knew that. I never believed in a God, but I certainly did believe that there were more extraordinary powers that looked over us. And today, that power looked over me.

And as I walked inside with raindrops dripping from my hair and body onto the marble floor, I realized that at this moment, I didn’t care what others thought of me. I walked past Sasha without even glancing at her and straight into the room of the photographer. He was holding his camera and on the screen, I was a picture of myself, posing in the rain. A big smile stretched over my face and then Harold turned around.

‘Sorry bubu, but I couldn’t let your natural talent go to waste,’ he apologized. He motioned to his camera and slide past the photos he made of me. His eyes were glowing as he looked back into my eyes.

‘When I was shooting those pictures of you, I realized that you aren’t the kind of model that needs to be placed into a special setting to be in her element. The nature, that is where you belong. That is where you can be your best; where your natural beauty comes out.’ He laid a hand on my shoulder and squeezed it.

‘I have to admit, I had my doubts about you Victoria. You seemed too forced; like you were too insecure.’
I took in a sharp breath and looked down. He put a finger under my chin and flicked my nose.

‘But if your next work will be like these,’ he pointed to his camera again, ‘then we will see a lot more from you. You are a tiny diamond, waiting to be discovered.’ His hand left my shoulder and he took a step back. ‘Don’t forget Victoria, there’s a lot at stake here. You need to gain some confidence; you know how important that is for this  business if you want to make it.’

I nodded my head and smiled. ‘Thank you Harold, I really appreciate it.’

He winked at me and looked at the pictures once again. Then, without looking at me he whispered, ‘And maybe I’ll show these pictures to the big boss instead of the others. You deserve it after all.’ He then grabbed his stuff; the camera stand and his extra lens and walked out of the door.

I stood there, a blush still growing on my face as I realized that letting go sometimes was better than holding on. Then, when realization struck me again I walked out of the room and bumped right into Ari.

‘Sorry!’ I laughed, ‘I was dreaming once again.’

She stared past me and into the room I just came out and I basically could see the question written on her forehead.

‘Don’t worry Ari, he was just showing me my pictures, that’s all.’

A soft smile spread across her face and she suddenly pulled me close and hugged me. ‘Whatever happens, know that I am here Victoria. That’s what best friends do.’

I hugged her tightly too, and even when the thought that I didn’t even know her that well spread through my mind, I couldn’t care less. I finally had a good friend again and coincidentally, it felt like the spirit of my sister lived further in the fourteen year old girl in front of me. Of course that wasn’t true, but they were so much alike, that every time I talked to Ari, it felt like I was talking to a younger copy of her. And that was the greatest gift the earth could possibly give me. A chance to have a second sister.