Four Versions

22.

‘I think I finally learned what letting go means,’ I said to my mother as she walked into the room. Her eyes shined more than normally, and I couldn’t help but smile at the sight of her.

‘Oh really? That’s good honey.’ She turned to me. ‘I really hope they like your pictures, I’m sure they’re beautiful.’ She looked down at me and nodded approvingly. ‘I think there is still more work to be done, but you are really a star waiting to be discovered.’

I nodded my head and fiddled with my hands behind my back. There were some comments that stayed longer than others and I think that this was one of them. Why was I never able to keep on remembering the positive things she said? Of course, they won’t help you to get better at anything, yet negative comments make you strive to be better. And that’s something I really wanted to be.

I wanted to be the best I could be.

‘Thanks mom,’ I whispered. I picked up my running shoes from on the doormat and quickly slid them on. The house suddenly seemed so small; it felt suffocating to be here any longer. I just had to get away. Just before I left the house, I saw my mother’s eyes on me and they instantly turned sad. I closed the door the moment she opened her mouth to say something, and a sinking feeling instantly settled in my stomach. I shook my head, looked down and decided that it was time that I build something up with my mom.

I opened the door again and stepped inside. Mom was sitting at the bar again, cigarette in her hand and stare out of the window. I knew that deep inside, she wasn’t happy at all. But now it was time that she and I both would turn our lives around. It had been a year since the terrible events happened, and we couldn’t stay in this position forever. It was time for a change.

‘Mom?’ I questioned.

She looked up at me, her eyes filling itself with hope; hope for a brighter day than yesterday. Hope for a better future and hope that today might be the day we had both been waiting for.

‘Do you want to go out with me?’

~~~~

‘This is nice, isn’t it?’ I said as we sat down at a table for two in Mac Donald’s. My mom looked up at smiled. Words never left her mouth as she fiddled with her hands and anxiously looked around her, as if she was waiting to see someone.

I laid my hand on top of hers and it looked like she snapped out of her weird stage and faced me. ‘Sorry, baby girl,’ she apologized. ‘This is the first time I went out to eat something in over a year. It makes me quite anxious.’

‘Why?’ I asked softly. ‘It’s just Mac Donald’s mom, not a five star restaurant. No one will judge you or anything.’

‘I know,’ she said while squeezing my hand. ‘It’s nothing, forget it.’ She let go of me and clamped her hands together again. She stared at me, really like she never did before and a bright smile suddenly appeared on her face.

‘You’re so beautiful.’

I smiled back at her, but kept my mouth shut. I never really knew how to reply to compliments, especially not from my mother. She had barely given me compliments before, but this was a sign that things really started to look up. Maybe, I should trust her. She was my mother after all.

Our number got called and I went up to the counter to get our food when I suddenly saw Mason standing there. I shook my head and picked up our plates, trying to ignore him. Why is he always where I am too? I can never catch a break, can I?

‘Hello Ms. Victoria,’ he whispered in my ear.

A shiver ran down my spine when I heard the oddly dangerous undertone in his voice. I turned around, the plates still in my hand and nodded.