Hotchniss

13 (Lonesome Comfort)

Ladybug,
Ladybug fly away home,
Your house is on fire,
Except for the little one whose name is Ann,
Who hid away in a frying pan

Hands. Cold and warm. Voices. Familiar and new. Pain. Burning and sharp.

"Oh sir, wild horses... just wild horses, Sir."

A female voice speaks out through his pain. She speaks softly and lovingly. He knows this voice. Penelope Garcia. She won't leave him here. Not alone at least.

"I want him to believe in love because it is the most important thing. But you need to show him."

Haley. He can feel her here. Like some dream. A ghost that he can almost touch. He tries to call out to her. Why doesn't she just rescue him from his awful place?

"Everybody has their breaking point..."

Has he reached his? Where are you Dave? What if he's not strong enough? What if he doesn't want to fight? Dave. Please.

"I'm you daddy!"

Jack. A whisper of a promise. He has a little boy to fight for. A little blond boy with brown eyes and a smile that can make any day better. Jack.

"Don't you have something better to do?
Than annoy you for the next three hours? Hell no."

Derek. I'm sorry. Derek is strong enough. Derek can lead them. Yes. Derek. Derek can.

"Sorry for the interruption. But sir, it's good to see you back. The team needs you."

Emily. He'd all but forgotten the sweet heavenly Emily Prentiss. If he calls for her, will she come? Will she save him?

"Your smiling."

JJ. All the things he never told her. She's strong. He doesn't have to worry about her getting over something as simple as his death. She's stronger than she looks. She always has been.

"You know, when I first joined the team I couldn't figure out why you never ever smiled; now I think I'm actually going to miss that."

Elle. God knows where she is now. Gone from here. Safe. Wonder what she would think of him now? Weak, probably. What kind of person gives up when there are so many people fighting for him?

"I need to tell you something."

Reid. Damn. He'd forgotten about the only other person who looks up to him. Truly foolish move on the young boys part. What is there to look up to in a broken man?

His body feels heavy. Just trying to wrap his fingers around the hand holding his is exhausting.

"Agent Hotchner?" A hand touches his forehead and his eyes opened. A bright light runs across his eye and he can't find the strength to pull away. "He's conscious." A loud male voice says," he's delirious from the fever but he's aware of everything going on around him."

He needs to cough. His lungs feel like lead and he can hear the congestion in his chest.

"Hotch?" A soft warm hand takes his and rubs gentle circles over his thumb. "Please wake up." It's not Emily. "Henry and Jack visited yesterday." JJ. "They're worried about you, we all are." He feels lips press against his temple, a sensation he's not accustomed to. "You have to wake up. We need you." The hand doesn't leave but he feels a second hand brush against his cheek," don't you stop fighting. We're all waiting and none of us are willing to except anything other than our pain in the ass boss." Her hands brush through his hair and he so desperately wants to lean into her warm touch," and you know us, sir. We're pretty good at getting what we want."

She's gone. Maybe he fell back into the haze of unconcousness or maybe this is all a dream.

"-doctor says you can hear us. That you're just....out of it. So I uh... that means now's a good time to just... to get this off my chest, man." Derek. There's no warm hand to accompany his monologue. "Superiority has always been a problem with me." You're telling me. "I'm not trying to use that as an excuse but you know I have a problem." There's a silence, a silence that is filled souly with the sound of Hotch's steady heart beat. "I respect you, Hotch. You are the only man in my entire life that I've been able to say that too. You're someone I can respect and, man, you're my friend. Okay? This isn't some...some goodbye. I don't do that. You're not allowed to die because... because I said so. I still got stuff I need you for, man." There's the creak of a chair and the all familiar feeling of a warm hand," I'm gonna take you out for a drink when this is all over." The hand gently pats his shoulder," I'm gonna leave now...uh... yeah."

"Hotch? Hotch, I'm sorry." He can put a name to the familiar voice. His body feels like it's getting colder. He can feel hinslef shivering.

"Daddy?" He knows the little hand that gently touches his chest. "Daddy, please wake up."

"Aaron," it's a feminine voice. "Jack needs you. He lost Haley, he can't lose you too. Please, Aaron. You've got a lot of people fighting for you. I lost my little sister, Aaron. You're like a brother to me and let me tell you Mr. Big Bad FBI Agent, I'm not losing my brother too."

"I love you."

How do you guys like that, huh? He's alive. Isn't that what you asked for?
-SH