Alone

A Process

He leaned over and quickly kissed me.

"There." He said.

"Not like that." I rolled my eyes but my pulse was already sped up from that one touch of his lips.

"Alright." He said and leaned back in and slowly kissed me. I waited for him to let my tongue into his mouth and when he finally did, I got a quick taste of his breath. Before he pulled away again.

"You taste like alcohol." He commented with a smile. But he didn't taste like alcohol, and that was relieving for me.

"Yeah, I don't think we should drink anymore." I told him "Or at least less frequently." I watched as he went back to washing out the blender cup.

"Why? Because you just drunkenly kissed me and hated it?" He asked.

"I'm not drunk, and I didn't hate it."

"You're acting kind of weird." He pointed out.

Was I? I didn't think I was acting weird.

"How?" I asked.

"Well I mean you told me you loved me on accident and then you walk in here and demand for me to kiss you. Was that kiss for like some reason? It seemed like it had a purpose." I mean he wasn't wrong about the second half, it did have a purpose.

"I swear I didn't mean to say that, or like I did, I just didn't mean it like that. And you're right, the kiss did have a purpose." I told him. He turned off the water and turned back around to look at me. "But it wasn't for the one I think you're thinking of. It wasn't to see if I actually loved you or not, it was to see if you'd been drinking." I told him and he just raised a brow at me but continued to listen. "I thought about it and I just thought we had been drinking a lot and then I thought about how I thought you could of had a problem." I tried to explain.

"I did." He said. "I had a problem."
His admittance shocked me "You were right. I had been drinking because I felt so alone, everyone was just gone. It made me kind of mean and angry and just hostile towards you. I got so drunk while you were in the desert because I thought you had just left me and I was all alone. I- I just cried a lot and thought a lot and I realized that my drinking was what was pushing you away, my anger and my pent up sadness had just exploded and caused me to be such an asshole. Even the nights we did drink after then I never drank much. I wanted to make it seem like I never had a problem and just cover it over, but I did, I had a problem that I had never had before."

"Wow. I'm sorry I didn't really see it and try to help. I thought you might of but I wasn't sure. I'm sorry I didn't help."

"I hid it from you, you don't have to be sorry. It wasn't your fault, it's not like you were the reason or anything. I feel better now, I don't feel alone anymore."  We looked at each other for a moment before I brought my body crashing into his making him laugh as I wrapped my arms around his neck and he wrapped his around my waist.

"That actually knocked the breath out of me." He laughed.

"Me too." I laughed back. He put his chin on my head and he swayed our bodies slightly. "Next time please tell me when you're going through something, I'll be there."

"I know you would." He said quietly "Next time I'll tell you. I'm kind of sad though."

"Why?" I asked still gripping to his body.

"Because you asked me to kiss you when you really didn't mean it or want to."

"I wouldn't just ask you to kiss me if I really didn't want it, you dummy." I said making him laugh.

"Good. It's hard to kiss you though." He said.

"Why?" I asked.

"Because you're so short." He chuckled "I feel like I should be kissing you on my knees."

"I'm not that short!" I protested.

"Here." He said and picked me up making me squeal as he walked me over to the kitchen island and sat me down on top of it. "There, now you're a little bigger. I could probably properly kiss you now if you wanted me to." His face was close to mine and his body was stood between my knees.

"I thought you were properly kissing me a moment ago?" I smirked.

"No, not at all. See I like to think there's a process to properly kissing someone that I just brilliantly thought of moments ago." He said making me laugh.

"What's the process?" I asked with a smile.

"First you say something funny to them and make them laugh, as I've just demonstrated."

"Right." I laughed again ready for him to proceed to the next step.

"Then you have to touch them and let them know you might want to mash faces together here in a moment." He ran his thumb over the top of my arm gently "Bonus points if you give them goosebumps."

"No bonus points for you then." I smirked. "What's the next step?"

"You look into their eyes," His brown eyes locked with mine making me nervous suddenly. "and you tell them; thank you for sticking around with you, and you don't know where you would be without their company right now and that even though the world had ended, they kept yours alive." I felt chills now go through me. "Or you know, whatever the situation might be." He said now with a smile as I laughed. "And then you try to stop laughing and smiling as you get close to them and close your eyes." He came closer to my face and my eyes closed.

"And then you kiss them." He said quietly as my heart pounded into my ears loudly.

But he didn't kiss me, he walked away a few steps and I pulled him back with a groan. He laughed as his hand went to the back of my head before kissing me, really kissing me this time.

Our lips moved together slowly making my arms feel shaky as I put them around him. I let his tongue into my mouth to move together with mine.
I felt like I couldn't breath, I exhaled a shaky breath out of my nose as the kiss deepened even further. I let one of my hands roam up to the back of his hair and just feel it's short softness.
His hand that had been placed gently on the back of my head moved to my cheek and his thumb moved over my cheek. The kiss began to taper off by his own accord, not mine, until he stopped.

"Slowly." He said reminding me again before placing another small kiss on my lips and finally moving his face away from mine, but I wanted desperately for him to put it back.

"I never got to say what I was telling you about the back garden." He said.

"What about it?" I asked.

"There's a pool. I was going to tell you much earlier but you seemed so thrilled from just the bath." He laughed.

"Well show me it." I said.

He turned around and asked me to hop onto his back.