Right Now

28.

I sit in my backyard and both dogs sit in my lap. My mind has been racing and I don't feel like breathing, but I do, and I will.

Someone lands with a thud beside me and I jump. I look up and I see Calum, his face is shadowed by the dark and I can't see what he is thinking, but I can feel it by the way he stands.

"What the hell, Emily?" He says. He doesn't sound angry, or like anything but calm, which scares me most. "You can't just disappear like that. You didn't go to the meeting today and pissed off Dracula, so Ash and Luke convinced her not kick you off. You haven't talked to me since you disappeared from the park." I never told him like I knew I should have, but I had other things on my mind.

"I had something to do," I say softly and I look down. Ralph moves under my arm and I sigh. "I'm sorry." I keep my eyes glued to the grass.

"Sorry has never made being left alone feel alright. Sorry has never made the feeling of being ignored alright. It's very fucking upsetting, if you haven't noticed." This startles me as I do realize how upset he truly feels.

I talked to Ashton about mom, she got a minor concussion, has a broken arm, a little internal bleeding, but she is so lucky that they could fix it all, they said. I stayed at the hospital for a long time, not wanting to leave. Ashton told me Calum wanted me and was worried but I pushed that to the side. For some reason, I didn't want him to see me as upset as I was. I didn't want him to see me broken down, so I kept brushing his calls and texts off. That was Saturday, it's Sunday now. I ignored him for so long, I hadn't realized how he would feel.

"I'm sorry... " I say again in a whisper.

"I'll see you tomorrow, then." He says and I grab the leg of his jeans as he goes to walk away, trying hard to keep my voice steady as I speak.

"Please... please don't leave," I say and I take a deep breath as I feel like crying again. "Just don't do that. I'm sorry, Calum, please just don't leave," I say and my voice cracks slightly, betraying me. He sits down beside me and doesn't say a word as he hugs me. He pulls me into his lap and I still fight hard not to cry in front of him. "My mom was in an accident. She could have died, Calum." I whisper and he rubs his hand soothingly against my back. He wipes away the little trail of tears I had on my face.

"Is she okay?" He asks.

"She has a broken arm, a little damage inside but she is fine now." I say and he pulls away from me to look at me. He drags his thumb over my cheek as another tear falls. I quickly use the sleeves of my hoodie to dry both eyes and he sighs, rolling his eyes and kissing both cheeks.

"Are you okay?" He asks and I nod, laying my head back against his shoulder. "You don't have to pretend to be okay. If my mother gets a papercut, I cry for hours and then I beat up the paper." He says and I laugh.

"How brave of you. You can defend her against mean paper." This causes him to laugh and he shakes his head at me.

"It's okay to be upset. But don't hide from me, Em. How am I supposed to make it better if you don't let me?" He whispers with his cheek pressed to my head.

"Because I can do it myself." I say. I lean back and look at him again, his eyes calm me down a and I don't feel as vulnerable or weak.

"Maybe so, but that doesn't mean I won't try to fix it first. I hate it when you ignore me. I hate seeing my girl upset. Can I stay with you tonight? You don't need to be alone anymore." He says and sigh in relief. I was happy I didn't have to be anymore.

"I don't want you to go." I say and he pushes me to my feet and stands after me. He laces his fingers with mine and pulls me toward my house.

"Come on, little puppers," He calls sweetly to the two dogs staring after us and it make me smile slightly. He glance over at me and frowns. "What?"

"Nothing," I say and push him into the house. "Come on." I say and they follow us as we bound up the stairs toward my room.

Calum

I kiss her soft and pull her onto the bed next to me. I didn't want anything else and I settled with this. I could kiss her forever. I came over with every intent of being super pissed, but her eyes plus tears made that idea fly out the window. I hated seeing her cry. It felt like my heart was being shredded everytime she looked sad.

Her hands grip my shirt tightly and she groans when I stop kissing her. "What has gotten into you?" I ask her and try to cover my smile.

"Not you." She mumbles, nearly inaudible, and I laugh as her face tints pink.

"Hey woman, I can feel your lady wood touching my leg. Not saying I don't enjoy it, but still," I say and she sighs, rolling her eyes and dragging my lips to a roughly to hers. I can say I'm not enjoying this side of her, but it would be a total lie, I like seeing her squirm. I pull away and look at her, smirking as I mess with the bottom of her hoodie, pulling it up slowly. "You gotta tell me what you want. I'm not a mind reader." I know exactly what she wants, but I want to hear it.

"Oh, God. I'm not saying it." She says and blushes a dark red.

"Saying what?" I ask. "You have to, it's the only way to get anything from me."

"Calum." She whines, covering her face with her hands, peeking out at me.

"Say it." I say and her face is now completely red and she pulls the hoodie over her face, hiding her eyes. I laugh and pull it down, looking into her shy eyes. "You're so cute, dude." I say and happen to glance up. I immediately stop and I see myself. I frown. "What's that?"

"What's what?" She asks and looks over.

On the canvas is me. Painted and colored and I get up to look at it. There are details here that I didn't know I had. I look so... sad, angry. Is this how I look? "This is me." I mumble as I look at it.

"Um, you weren't supposed to see that. It's really bad." She says and jumps up, going to cover it, but I stop her, pulling her back and she lands in my arms and I keep her there as I stare at myself. I knew she was good, but I didn't know she was this good. It was as if she looked into my soul and captured every inch of it on canvas. The details in my eyes and they way they were cast down, the slumped shoulders that faded into nothingness. 

"Is this what I look like all of the time?" I ask her and I she frowns.

"Well, yeah," She says. "Uh, I'm confused here."

"I look so... " I say and I frown, not being able to find the right words for how I felt about it. 

"Well yeah... um, I'm sorry, you don't like it. This is why I keep it covered. I'm not done with it, I still have to highlight and things to add to it." She says and she goes on and on about all this artsy stuff that I don't know and I stop her from rambling.

"I like it, Emily, I look even better on paper than I do now. I just never thought I looked... so... like that, I look hot." I say, making it a joke and she smiles. I just want to change the subject. "Ever thought about being an artist?" I ask her.

"Well, yeah. But the term 'starving artist' is very real," She says. She wiggles away from me and covers it with a cloth before moving it to the closet. She turns back to me and shrugs. "It'll never happen so it's not something I focus on." She walks over and pushes me back on the bed, sitting on my lap.

"Why not?" I ask her. She leans down and kisses me softly.

"I have better things to do than sit around and draw pictures, Cal." She says as If the idea was completely stupid.

"You could have fooled me. I think you're amazing, Emily. You could do anything in this world you wanted to. I believe in you." I say and she smiles brightly at me. 

"That means a lot to me coming from you."