Right Now

42

I slip on the tight, black long sleeve and pull on the black skirt and I roll my eyes. "Couldn't find me something different?" I ask Calum as he pulls on his pants.

"I got to pick. I've wanted you back in this outfit since I first saw it. And your so, so lucky, or you'd be taking it all off right now." He says and I chuckle.

"Uhuh." I say and pull on my adidas. I set my foot on the edge of his bed to tie the strings of my shoes and I feel his hands tug roughly at my hips, pulling me to him.

"At least you look hot today. You look hot everyday, but even more so right now." He says and kisses my shoulder.

"That's only because you can't get any." I say and laugh.

"Don't remind me." He says sadly and I laugh again.

*** 

I sit at the table and I try not to pull my hair out of my head as I try to work the problem. No matter what I do, I still get it wrong. For some reason, I just couldn't get it.

"This all comes last," I hear from in front of me and I look up. "You have to divide first." Charlie looks down at me and I scoff.

"You're telling me how to do it? Piss off, dude."

"Are you going to ask at all? do you really not care about Missy?"

"How do you know her?" I ask him and he sighs, as if he had to prepare himself to answer even if he was the one who brought it up in the first place.

"I went to school with her, too. Calum isn't the only victim of her. She was dating this guy and one thing led to another and then it was me."

"It sounds like you have a problem with sleeping with girls that aren't yours to fuck around with." I say and it comes out a little meaner that I want it to.

"You make it sound like I should be ashamed, but I'm not." He says and I look at him with a sad and confused look. Sad, because he could say it with a straight face, and confused because who would be proud of that?

"Why aren't you? You don't care that you split people apart? My friends were happy with each other." I say to him.

"Are you sure they both were?" He asks me and I don't speak, I can't say anything to that. I thought Lyle and Gorgy loved each other. Could I have been wrong, reading the wrong signs?

He shrugs. "After a while of everyone doing it to you, you tend to not give a fuck about anything." He says, which makes me feel worse. Only this time, for him. "You wanna know something? Calum never dated her. Didn't even have a chance before you."

"Really? I thought they were together." I say and look over at my friends and my boyfriend at our table, talking and laughing.

"Nope. She'd tell me about it all the time. "He is so in love with me" or "it's sad how blind he is''. She could get him to do anything." He says and it pisses me off. "And with your friend, she knew it would get under his skin, so she fucked with him for fun most of the night."

"He got mad at me," I say and look at Ashton, who is glad to have Lily back. "He hasn't talked to me today, neither has Lyle. I don't know why I'm telling you this, I need to be doing work." I say and frown, shaking my head and looking at the paper.

"Gorgy wanted me to drive you away from them so you would be friends with just her. That's why I was that way to you guys." He says suddenly and I feel what respect I had for her leave me. I already knew it, but having it confirmed somehow hurt even more.

"Why tell me that?" I ask him

"Because you'll listen, and I would have actually liked to be your friend, not so much now, really," He says and stacks all his things. "You know, I know about that little boyfriend you had a couple years ago. That was the first guy she cheated on Lyle with." He says in a low voice and I don't look at him, I just stare at the desk as the rest of the class prepares to leave.

"I don't know what you're talking about." I whisper to him as I look back up to meet his eyes. I didn't want him to say anything else about it, in fact, I wanted him to leave and go away forever.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Emily." He says and walks away.

***

I sit in my spot at lunch and all my anger builds up as Ashton looks and talks to everyone at the table but me. I glare at him and he still doesn't acknowledge me. I try to say something to anyone of them and they all don't answer or respond, only Calum and Michael do, Luke doesn't talk to anyone, he is his own world, probably upset over his ex.

Michael, who sits next to me looks over with a worried look. "Lily, you know Ashton and I are just friends, right? That I wouldn't do anything to break you guys up?" I say suddenly and she looks surprised at my outbursts and she nods. "Good, I was just making sure because your boyfriend clearly doesn't think so. You can all go back to ignoring me now, that's totally cool." I say and stand from the table. It shakes and I storm out of the room, wanting to cry and punch the walls.

I was glad to be leaving here.

I walk into the library, a place that is never bothered anymore and walk to the back and sit at a table. I lean my head on the window and my eyes burn. "Stupid hormones." I mumble and lay my head down. I want to blame the mood solely on Ashton, but I couldn't. Some of the blame went to Charlie, for being a nosy bastard, and some went to Missy. As of recently, all or most of my anger was directed towards Gorgy. She'd been fucking us all over way before we knew it.

After a while, I feel the table move and I don't look up. "Emily?" I hear Ashton's voice and I still don't move. "I'm sorry. Don't be mad at me, this is stupid." He says.

I look up at him. "What's stupid is being mad at your best friend because some bitch said something that's wasn't said friend's fault!" I shout, slamming my fist onto the table.

"I said I was sorry." He says and sighs.

"Sorry doesn't make it better." I say.

"What do you want from me, Emily?" He asks with a sigh.

"I want things to go back to how they were a month ago. No yelling at each other because a stranger is a dick. How did you get everyone else to ignore me? What the fuck did I do to any of you?"

"I may have said something in anger," He says and cringes. I look out the window and away from him. Of course he did. "I'm sorry, Emily."

"It's fine. I guess I should just be used to this by now, right? Or at least get used to it." I say.

"I know what that chick can do to get in the head's of others. I don't want to lose Lily, Em, I'm so in love with her." He says.

"Think I'm not scared of her?" I ask. "You know how easily she could steal my boyfriend, my best friend. Ruin my life? She's already trying, but you're special, right?"

"I'm sorry, please believe me." He says.

"I do, but I still want to punch you in the face." I say, even though I'm not sure I completely do believe.

***
I walk out of the school early and I put on my sunglasses and earbuds. I just didn't want to be there for the fear that I might actually do something I regret.

A. Stab Ashton in the eye with a pencil. B. Stab myself in the eye with a pencil. C. Have a crybaby meltdown in the hallway.

I walk into town and I see my mom walking out of a bakery with a cake in her hands and I freeze as she looks over. Her jaw drops to the ground and she looks shocked to see me.
It's too late now to run away, so I walk over to her.

"I had to leave or my mental health would have entered State of Emergency. I am having troubles. Because friends and you aren't supposed to be here."

She doesn't speak for a moment before holding the cake up. "Happy birthday?" She says and now I'm the surprised one.

"Wait, what?" I ask.