salutations my fellow peoples.
i know most of you are wondering: girl where have u been?? and to answer your question, i say, i have been near and nowhere far. i have been here all along. i just don't update because i have no motivation to write most of the time. and my mental health has been getting incredibly Worse.
i also found out that i don't just have severe depression — i actually have bipolar disorder, also known as manic depression. so, my severe depression is actually tied into that and Wow I Am Doing Really Bad (the title of my autobiography).
right now, i'm in my depressive phase and Just When I Thought My Depression Couldn't Get Any Worse, It Fucking Did (a sequel of my autobiography). as sarcastic as i sound right now, i am actually serious. usually, i cope with this by being sarcastic and pretending that it isn't affecting me because i hate expressing emotion to others and blah, but yeah things have been getting much much worse and i honestly need help.
i told my family over this weekend and they told me that i need to go talk to my counselor tomorrow because she'll probably be more equipped to help me. thank god for my boyfriend and my loving and amazingly superb friends for putting up with this and i feel horrible for burdening them with all my shit because i like dealing with things by myself, which is probably why i got worse.
anyways, i might like update this one tag thingy that i was supposed to do a long while back but just started. but, other than that, i'm just trying to get better.
anyways, pray for me and my brain and pray for me because in 3 days, i have to take the sat and wow lordy i just need a lot of thoughts and prayers and luck. sigh.
i want things to get better.
