Born for the Sex God

36 : It's too late

I let out a huge sigh as I entered his room. He is so miserable -- much more miserable when ate Jen died years ago. Bottles of alcohol were around him. Nakaupo lang sia at nakasandal sa paanan ng kama nia.

Hindi ko na din in-on ang light ng kwarto nia. I sat beside him and sighed. "She's here awhile ago but you kept on pushing her away tapos mag-gagaganyan ka? tss. Why don't you just forgive her nalang ba?" I was asking him. Suminghot ito and I was so shock realizing that he's crying.

"Kung kailan mahal ko na sia doon nia naman ako sasaktan.." I stiffened. I know he loves ate Hannah but I wasn't expecting that he will be as vocal as this to me. He looked at me -- his eyes were watering and deep "But Chant.. kung nakita mo lang yun.." he sobbed. I felt an ache inside me -- I would never wanted to experienced this kind of scenario -- seeing my kuya crying

"They were both naked and hugging each other like a married couple.." with that his tears fell. Napayakap na lang ako sa kania. He was sobbing so hard. "Ch-Chant, nasasaktan ako.."

I faced him "If you love him then why are you like that? Patawarin mo sia kuya, you're acting like a human with no heart..." masinsinan kong sabi sa kania. He wiped his tears and shook his head.

"If I'll act that I have one -- they will eventually see how broken I am because to act like you don't have heart is the best way for them not to know that you're broken." I can see how hurt he was.

I wiped his tears "I believe that it's your baby she is bearing. But kuya.. forgive ate already before she'll surrender."

________________________________

Two weeks. Sa loob ng labing apat na araw I kept on coming, pleasing and convincing him but he remain as cold as snow itself.

I accepted every stabbing words he is letting go. Whore, bitch, slut, hoe etc.? I accepted that as long as he'll give me his forgiveness.

And now, I looked at their house as my tears fell. I'm tired. Sawa na akong makinig sa mga sinasabi nia and maybe it's time for me to hear what other people was saying -- Casey was saying -- To give him some space. If that would it takes then I'll do. I caressed my tummy and wiped my tears "Baby, we'll just give your daddy a little space.. maybe it's for the good."

I walked to where my car parks and

BEEEEEEEP!

I gasped hard as everything went black.. again.

__________________________________

White. White ceiling, white bed sheet, white wall paints -- hospital. "Thank God, you're awake Hannah!" my mouth parted ng marinig ko ang boses na iyon -- Drake's.

Tatayo na sana ako pero pinigilan nia ako "Ano ba?! Let me go! Hindi pa ba sapat ang ginawa mo sa akin?! Sa amin ni Chaos?!" sigaw ko sa kania. Napahikbi na lamang ako. Cursed this hormones.

Napayuko sia. "I-I'm s-sorry Hannah. Napag-utusan lang ako.. But Hannah believe me.. walang nangyari sa atin! Promise. I'm so sorry for what had happened to you and to Chaos.." he explained. Naninginig ako sa narinig. Wala sa huwisyo ko siang nasampal.

"Sino Drake?! Who told you to framed us up?! Sino? S-Sino-oh?!" hinawakan ko ang kwelyo nia atsaka sinuntok suntok ang dibdib nia. Napahikbi nalamang ako.

"S-Sorry Hannah, s-s-so-sorry." his voice shook. Pinagtatanggal ko ang mga nakakabit sa katawan ko atsaka tumayo at sinuot ang damit kong nakatupi sa gilid "Hannah, hindi ka pa okay. " pagpipigil nia sa akin.

Pagkaharap ko sa kania ay agad na nahagip ng kamay ko ang pisngi nia. "Ngayon ka pa nagsorry that I have surrendered already? Damn you Drake! Putangina ka! If you wouldn't tell me who the fuck are you with then screw you! " tinabig ko ang kamay nia atsaka umalis na sa hospital.

Mabilis akong pumara ng taxi atsaka doon nagpatuloy na humikbi. Ngayon pa ba? Ayoko na eh, sawa na ako. Ayoko nang masaktan pa. I'm too full for his stabbing words. Patay na siguro ako kung literal na nakakasaksak ang mga salitang sinasabi nia sa akin..