The Benefits of Death (Season 1)

S01 x E04

Episode 4: The Courtship of Ike's Father:

"And now we return to 'Keeping Up With Rob Kardashian, Sr'." The TV announcer said.

"Man, I wish Kris would die, so I could bang her." A sullen voice could be heard through the television.

In the living room watching the show were Ike and Russell, both slumped next to each other on the couch. Each of them had a beer in hand, with Ike holding a Red Stripe and Russell holding a Dos Equis. A family-sized bag of Lays Classic potato chips was nestled between them as they shared its contents.

"So, uh, Dad. Random question: now that Mom isn't here to hassle you anymore, what is one thing you'd be willing to do that you know she wouldn't have approved of?" Ike asked.

"I'd probably undergo some cosmetic surgery to get rid of my peanut head." Russell replied honestly.

"Er, Dad? You don't even have a peanut head to begin with." Ike replied in confusion.

"That's... not what I meant." Russell replied.

"Are you two engaging in locker room talk again?!" Robyn called down from upstairs, "You know how I feel about that kind of banter!"

"Eh... no, actually!" Russell replied.

"No, uh, we were just... quoting a scene from... a film! Yeah, that's it!" Ike added, "It's a really cool flick called, uh, 'Fruit Batman'! It's a reboot film that puts Batman in a homosexual relationship with all three of his Robins! They even got Heath Ledger to reprise his role as the Joker too!"

"Oh, really? That sounds interesting!" Robyn replied, descending downstairs in a cranberry-colored tracksuit with banana-colored accents and no visible undershirt, "Maybe you could take me to see it sometime soon?"

"Eh, sure... Robyn! Yeah, I could totally do that! But, uh, the tickets are pretty expensive, and..." Ike stuttered, a hand behind his blushing head.

"Hah! I knew it! You're lying! Just admit you were telling manly stories in the house again, will ya'?" Robyn asked.

Ike sighed in defeat, before he was startled by the ringing of the doorbell. He proceeded to open the door for whomever was outside.

"Good afternoon, sir! Tribute package for Ike Van Dyke!" The postman announced, handing him a package and an envelope on top, "Oh, and you also got a letter!"

"Another tribute?!" Ike sighed in exasperation, "Geez, I know I had a lot of friends back on Earth, but this is the tenth one I've gotten this whole goddamn month!"

"Hey, don't get pissed off at me! I'm just doing my job!" The postman replied, immediately departing.

Ike closed and locked the door behind him and brought his package into the kitchen to open it. Whenever someone died, any objects left on their tombstones and doorsteps as a form of payment of respects would automatically get sent to the post-offices in heaven. There, they would then be mailed all over the realm as "tribute packages" so that people could actually receive the things dedicated to them. In the case of this particular package, there were mostly heartfelt notes asking Ike to rest in peace, or telling him that he was in a better place. Other contents included several bouquets of flowers, alongside pictures of Ike posing with his various friends. One notable item he found was a disc with a label on it. Reading said label, he learned that it contained footage of a concert performed by the school band from Kicksburg High, in which they played a medley of Ike's favorite songs as a tribute to him. He couldn't help but smile at the gesture.