The Benefits of Death (Season 1)

S01 x E14

Season Finale: A Deadly Christmas (Part 2):

Even later, Ike could be seen lying under the covers long before anyone else in the house. He was clad in a set of plaid flannel pajamas, not asleep and instead with a somber look on his face. He slowly turned his head towards the bathroom door after he heard it creak open, casting a bright patch of light onto the shagged carpet. Immediately following this, some thick white fumes leaked out into the bedroom (presumably from the hot shower), a humanoid shadow behind them. At the same time, "I Feel It Coming" by The Weeknd began to play from somewhere in the bathroom, growing louder as the figure stepped through the wall of fumes.

It was none other than Robyn, her dreadlocks tied back in a ponytail, and her body covered in nothing but bright red lacy lingerie with fluffy white trim on the edges, alongside a black leather choker, some white thigh-stockings, and a Santa hat. She was holding her smartphone, which the music was playing from.

"Good evening, Ike." She said seductively, "Let's consummate our first Christmas together as a married couple, shall we? I dunno about you, but I'm in the mood to be filled to the brim with some piping hot eggnog!"

Without warning, a gift-wrapped box crashed through the window and landed on the bed, startling the both of them. Robyn switched off the music on her phone during the brief second of suspense.

"What the hell?!" Ike asked, bewildered as he and Robyn looked out the window, "Wait! Santa Claus?! But... but I don't even believe in you!"

Outside, cruising along the streets in a dark red Ford Mustang, was a Santa Claus look-alike. His car was in neutral gear, being pulled along by a group of eight reindeer as he callously tossed presents into the windows of the houses he passed.

"Ho ho ho ho ho! I'm not Santa! I'm just the guy that Tim Allen killed in The Santa Clause!" The man replied, "Regardless, merry Christmas! Ho ho ho!"

Robyn proceeded to open the gift, revealing a box of Trojan brand extra-large condoms.

"Well that was conveniently and comedically timed." She said matter-of-factly.

Ike then thought back to what Robyn had suggested a few moments ago, instantly remembering his first Christmas since getting married to Janice back on Earth, and remembering the emotional pain he was currently going through. His eyes widened at the realization, but he quickly went back to a straight face.

"First of all Robyn, it's not Christmas yet. Secondly, why are you parodying a scene from a story made by the same creator? And third, I'm not in the mood." Ike replied.

"Aw, come on! You've never refused sex before!" Robyn whined, "Seriously, why are you acting up all of a sudden? Don't you know it's making you stick out like a sore thumb? Trust me, I know what that feels like."

A cutaway began, showing Robyn and a bunch of other women around her age, sitting in a circle of fold-up chairs. On the wall above them was a white banner that read: 'Sexuality Club: Women Confess Their Secrets About Sex And Motherhood'.

"So I don't know if anyone else can relate to this, but after I had my first kid, having sex afterwards almost felt like nothing. I guess it was because I was... y'know, so loose from the delivery?" One woman said.

Most of the others nodded and grunted in acknowledgement.

"Back on Earth, I used to work as a hooker, and I held that job for almost ten years. I remember I was strongly against abortion at the time, so I would often get pregnant. So eventually I popped out so many kids that I ended up completely filling two orphanages, and the delivery didn't even hurt anymore. It was like taking a shit out of my vagina!" Robyn confessed, prompting everyone else to go dead silent, a few cricket chirps signifying this.