The Benefits of Death (Season 1)

S01 x E06

Episode 6: Movin' Out (Ike's Song) (Part 2):

Ike let out a sigh of relief as he entered the master bedroom and shut the door behind him. As he rummaged through the dresser for some sleepwear, he heard Robyn letting out an agitated groan behind him. He turned around to see her holding up what looked to be a neon-yellow sports bra, only it looked as though it was meant for an anorexic.

"What's the problem here?" Ike asked.

"I have had it up to here with your parents ignoring all the pointers I give them!" Robyn replied, holding her free hand up to her forehead for emphasis, "I keep telling your mom how to wash sports bras, and she never listens! How many goddamn times must I explain this?! You're not supposed to put them through the dryer! You put them through the washing machine, and then you air dry them! And you're not supposed to use fabric-softeners, or wash them with other types of clothing! I mean, just look at this thing!"

Ike said nothing as Robyn tossed the garment into his hands.

"Because of her, my lucky sports bra has effectively been deprived of all the support and elasticity it once had! Tell me, Ike! How the hell am I supposed to work out in this anymore?! It's completely useless now!" She continued, "... I mean, I guess I could use it to seduce you in the bedroom, but that's not what they're for! And since Gymshark isn't dead yet - and by that I mean it's hasn't gone out of business on Earth - I can't buy a replacement!"

"Don't worry, honey. It's not just you." Ike said, "I'm getting fed up with them too."

It wasn't long before Russell barged into the room and (after rudely sweeping all the clean laundry off the bed) began to strip off the comforter and sheets.

"Uh, what the fuck was that for?" Robyn asked incredulously.

"It's laundry day. I would've washed all the sheets in the house this morning, but I was too busy testing out my new physical capabilities." Russell explained, "Heh, now I can finally rid myself of this pot-belly."

"Uh, Dad? You do realize extra weight here isn't as much of a burden as it is on Earth, right? No matter how much you put on, it won't affect your health or physical capabilities." Ike said.

"Believe me, I'm aware of that. But I'm doing it more for the sake of looking good for your mother than anything else." Russell replied, "Anywho, I'll take these sheets now. Hopefully they'll be clean by one o'clock in the morning."

Both Ike and Robyn groaned in unison as Russell shut the door behind him.

"See what I mean?" Ike asked flatly.

"Clear as day." Robyn replied, "So what are we gonna do about this?"

"Well I already tried asking Mom to give me authority over the house since it's technically mine, but she of course wouldn't budge." Ike replied, "However, I've done a little research, and it turns out there's a vacant two-story home just a few blocks away. Apparently the guy who owned it reincarnated recently, and so his house is just sitting there left behind. If we can offer a high enough bid for it, we can blow this clambake and be rid of all these inconveniences for the rest of our afterlives!"

"Sounds good to me." Robyn said, "Now we're left with the question of how we're supposed to sleep comfortably tonight without the bedclothes."

Within a few more insufferable days, Ike managed to purchase the deserted house, much to his and Robyn's excitement. At this point in time, the two were standing on the doorstep as Ike's parents waved them goodbye. The moving van was entirely packed up and parked on the curb, right behind Ike's car, which contained several suitcases loaded with other things that couldn't fit in the truck.