The Benefits of Death (Season 1)

S01 x E09

Episode 9: Todd Man Out (Part 1):

One day at The Rusty Tap, Ike, Todd, and Eli were seated at their usual booth, each with an alcoholic beverage in hand as they engaged in a particularly interesting conversation.

"So last April Fools Day, I was peeking into Jay's bedroom window so I could try and determine the right time to pull my prank on him. But when I checked the window, he was nowhere to be seen. His bed was unmade, and there were some fairly large clumps of hair on his pillow." Todd explained, "I'm clueless as to what exactly it means."

"It's the whole Caitlyn Jenner theorem all over again: you become what you lose." Eli replied, "Though in this case, Jay didn't lose his dick, but rather his hair."

"Oh for fuck's sake, stop filling his head with your stupid theorems! He's just a kid!" Ike chimed in.

"Am not!" Todd blurted out.

"But Todd, if you're looking for the true answer, he was just losing some of his hair. It happens with age." Ike continued.

"Well, seeing how dead people don't age, I know that's not the right answer either." Todd replied.

It was then that Jay entered the bar, passing and seemingly ignoring his friends as he approached the counter.

"One hurricane, please." He politely ordered.

"Comin' right up!" The bartender replied, "Oh, and with that order, you and your pals have collectively consumed forty drinks within the past week. Due to this, you've just won yourself three tickets for a week-long trip to Europe, where you'll visit three pre-chosen countries."

"Oh, goody!" Jay said as he accepted both the tickets and his drink, "Thanks, good sir!"

"Yo, Lewis! What were you doing up there?" Eli asked as Jay approached the table.

"Well as a reward for our frequent patronage of this establishment, we just earned ourselves a week-long vacation." Jay explained.

"Is it to Mexico?" Ike asked excitedly, "Surely we'll be able to drink the water now, seeing how we're dead."

"Nope. And if you really want to drink contaminated water, we can simply drive to Flint. It's just across the state from here." Jay replied, "Guess again."

"Is it Israel? 'Cause I've got a bunch of dead relatives over there that I wouldn't mind catching up with." Eli said.

"Getting closer." Jay replied.

"Is it Daytona Beach? That was one of my most favorite places to go when I was little... or littler anyway. Plus, since we're dead, there's no need to worry about shark attacks!" Todd suggested, "It'll most likely tickle rather than hurt."

"Wow, you're way off there, buddy." Jay replied, "Anyways, none of you got it right. We're going to three different European countries!"

"Wow, Europe?! I've always wanted to go there!" Ike replied.

"Sure hope Israel's one of the three stops!" Eli added.

"Are there any beaches in Europe?" Todd asked, only to be ignored by the others.

He watched with a scowl as his friends continued to have an excited conversation about the vacation, growing more agitated the longer he was left out.

"So uh, are you sure we can't go somewhere with a beach? Like, say, Salt Lake City?" He eventually butt in.

"Todd, not now. We're trying to have an adult conversation about this trip, and we don't need your attention-seeking interruptions." Ike scolded.