inevitable entanglements » a.i. + l.h.

5

"Look, it's sir Ashton."

Hundreds of whispers filled the chapel that morning when Ashton came in. He was sure the bags under his eyes were unmissable, as he crossed his arms over his chest in a self-hugging manner in an attempt to at least cover up his shaking hands. 

His pupils were dilated and he couldn't keep his gaze from shifting from place to place, so he tried his best to focus on the tiles. 

He made his way to a large decorated chair at the front, there were three of them. Michael, Ashton and their father, Thomas, each had their own chair in case they decided to attend a service.

Even though it was coated with pillows, the chair was still hard and cold. 

Seconds passed agonisingly slow, as he sat down. Yet everything happened too fast for his liking. It went too quick for him to grasp it completely.

Before he realised it, the chapel was filled with people. They stared at Ashton with wide eyes, wondering why the son of the duke was attending a service in their chapel.

He tried his best to ignore it, but their gazes felt like knives. They tore his skin apart and let something awful loose in his veins. 

Luckily, the priest starting talking. He briefly mentioned Ashton's presence, after which Ashton stood up to make a deep bow, and started the worship. His words hurt even more than the looks of the servant and the eyes of the people on the tapestry.

They started off by praying, first personal prayers, then prayers they sang in group. At one point, he even found himself singing some psalms. He silently praised the genius who decided that everyone should get a book with all the prayers, without that he would've made a fool of himself. He was a bit weary of getting a Host, it made him feel like liar. 

He didn't believe any of the things he had just said. He didn't think he had to try to be worthy so God would come to him. He was okay the way he was and if their so called god didn't agree with that, it was his problem.

But eventually, the priest got to the part of Bible Study. Today he had chosen the concept of sin, reminding the servants of the different forms of sin. 

You shouldn't worry though. Tell me your sins and you'll be pure again.

Ashton's heart was racing at a hundred miles per hour. He felt himself tearing up, his vision getting cloudier with every word the priest uttered. He was afraid that if the service didn't end soon, he would end up in tears. 

He found himself ticking the seconds away, focussing solely on steadying his breath. His shaking hands were so restless it took all his willpower not to scratch his veins open right then and there.

He managed to block out most of the preaching, but the words he did catch sent shivers down his spine. In his opinion, the words homosexual and sin shouldn't be used in the same sentence. The things the priest said were awful, utter brainwashing. 

It hurt him more than anything to see the hundreds of servants listening, nodding in agreement. 

He felt hated and chased and unsafe. He want nothing more than to just run out of the chapel and straight to Michael or Gabriel. They were still in their bed, tucked in warmly, dreaming away. For more than just a moment he envied them, he regretted coming here.

But then he heard the sound of chatter and when he looked up, he saw everyone standing up. The mass of people was making their way outside, so he'd have to be quick. 

It took him a while before he found Luke's face in the crowd. He was crouched and silent, unspottable if you didn't know what you were looking for.