Forbidden Pleasures

[3.]

My eyes are stinging from tears, but I don't let them fall. You're strong. Fight. You can do this. I take a deep breath. Yes, I can do this.

I run out of the phone box on the street. I look around myself and not too far away, I see someone walking on the snow path. I start to run and try not to slip on the ice-covered ground.

When I start to get near the person, I can see their facial features more closely. It's a man, an older one. He hasn't spotted me yet, so I start yelling after him, completely out of breath. "Sir! Sir! Please wait!"

I got a feeling that he either didn't hear me or he ignored me and continued walking. I start running even faster, but I hit something with my food and I catch myself the last moment, putting my hands down on the ground first to protect my face from hitting the ground. This is going to be a pretty bruise, I think. But I don't have time for this. I lift my eyes and see the man now walking towards me with a worried look.

"Miss, are you alright?"

When he comes closer, he extends his arms for me to hold on to them and he helps me get off the cold, dirty ground.

"Thank you." I give him a shy smile and brush my jeans of any dirt, also removing the snow so it doesn't wet my clothes too much. I'm breathless and probably all red in the face.

The unknown man gives me a barely visible nod and he turns around to leave. I put myself together as quick as possible and remind myself why I was running in the first place.

"Sir! Wait, please."

The man turns around and looks around to see if I'm really speaking to him. I step to him. "Would you ... uhm ... maybe have any loose change? Uh ..." I cough and look at the floor. I feel so terrible asking someone for money. "I have ... an important phone call to make and, right now ... I don't have any money ... on me ..." Sympathy rises in his eyes while mine get tears in them yet again. I hate that look in people's eyes. I look down at the ground again. "I would be really grateful ..."

There's a palpable silence between us for a few moments. And then, in the corners of my eyes, I see him taking out a wallet. My heart starts beating normally again and I let out a breath I didn't even realise I was holding in.

Without a word, there appear some bills in front of my nose suddenly and a small fist of loose change.

I look the stranger in his eyes and he could probably see the gratitude in my eyes because he smiles softly and nods towards the money he's holding out for me to take.

"I really don't need so much money ... just some loose change, really."

"Take it, girl. Make that phone call, buy yourself something to eat, some clothes - whatever you need."

I notice his voice is very low and the words come out of his mouth, almost unintelligible.

I'm so happy I could hug this kind man. My chest expands and fills with gratitude and in my head, I'm kissing the ground he's walking on.

I let the tear fall down my cheek, but this one not from sadness, this one is from happiness. I take this feeling with my arms open and I just let myself feel it because after months of being sad non-stop and self-pity is this feeling almost unknown and very rare for me. It's been a long time since someone treated me with such kindness.

"Thank you. Thank you! I can't voice how grateful I am," I thank him with a hoarse voice and through the tears that just don't stop falling.

The stranger waves his hand. "I believe you're a good girl - I can read that on your face. It'll pass one day, trust me."