Forbidden Pleasures

[47.]

"Pardon?" I ask, doubting I heard him correctly. Thank God I'm not eating because I'd probably choke.

"Yes," Adrian says, confirming his previously said words. My chest feels like it's going to explode from my heart beating so hard and fast in it.

I laugh incredulously, standing up because I can't sit here and have him stare at me. I can't even be near him right now. "Is this another one of your games, Adrian? Is that what this is?"

Adrian stands up as well, moving the chair away so he could come closer to me but I stop him by putting my hands out. He respects my wish and stops. "I never played any games with you, Cassandra."

"Oh, you did. You really did."

He stubbornly presses his lips together into a thin line. "This is why I said it's important you listen to me until the end."

"You can't expect to come here after a month, telling me you want me back and just keep giving me orders!" Being angry is a safe choice right now. Because if I don't stick to anger, I'm going to have an emotional breakdown. There are so many different emotions swimming inside of me, I feel like I'm going to explode any minute.

"Yes, I understand that. This is why I'm asking you to, please, sit down and listen to what I have to say."

"What if I don't want to hear what you have to say? What if I'm seeing someone else? I mean, one month is a long period of time. A lot could change." I purposefully taunt him just to see his reaction.

His face remains stoic, but I see his hand clenching the back of the chair so hard his knuckles turn white. "Are you? Seeing someone, I mean." There's an edge to his voice that wasn't there before.

I remain quiet because I don't have it in me to lie to him. He'd know. And I'd feel bad.

Adrian nods. "Good." He relaxes his grip on the chair.

"I wasn't waiting for you," I say quietly.

Adrian's eyes become gentle. He knows I'm lying. "I didn't expect you to," he says, lying as well.

"Why are you really here?" I ask him, afraid that his answer won't be the same as before.

"I told you, Cassandra. I want you back," he says, the same strong emotion in his voice than before. He sounds so sincere, the inner walls it took me one month to build almost

I feel like there's not enough air in the room all of a sudden. My legs can't carry my weight anymore. Adrian is instantly by my side, holding me by my arms. I have to blink a few times to get a clear view again. And what a view it is!

"Breathe," Adrian says with that fuck-me low voice of his that doesn't help my state at all. As a matter of fact, it only makes it worse when I realise how good he smells. That familiar smell ... it feels so good to be held by him. I hate that weak feeling. I hate that I'm still falling for his words so easily. He could have me right now if he wanted to.

I step back, losing his touch and put my hands on where he touched me because it feels so cold now that he's not having his hands there anymore. My skin was burning when he touched me and now chills are running down my body.

This is a problem.

"You can't have me back, Adrian. Not under those conditions anymore. I'm not a thing you can use until you don't get bored of it and then decide to throw away." I would have liked nothing more but to be his again, but not like I was. In this month, I came to a realisation that I deserve more in life. I can't be the other one. I don't want to be a dirty secret.

"No. Not like that, Cassandra, of course not," he says.

"I also don't want you to promise me to give me something you're unable to in your current situation," I warn him, reminding him that he's still legally someone else's.