Forbidden Pleasures

[39.]

We go straight back to the mansion, not stopping for lunch as promised. Honestly, I wouldn't even be able to hold down a bite even if I tried to. Food is the last thing on my mind right now.

I walk into the house after Adrian, keeping my head low. "Adrian," I call him when I see him going straight for the stairs.

"Not now," he completely dismisses me, not even looking at me. I notice Mrs Welch coming down the stairs, but I can't bring myself to care about anything else at this exact moment. It feels like I'm numb. I don't feel anything inside of me. Except for fear.

I don't fear to lose this job as much as I fear to lose Adrian. He's more important to me than keeping the job here, but I know that it's all my fault if he won't want to do anything with me anymore. I'll even understand him.

I know that I didn't do the right thing. What I did was unthoughtful and selfish on my part. I tried to play him and I broke the sincerity and trust we had. Adrian trusted me, he let me into his life, opened up to me. Not completely and not frequently, but I cherished the moments when he did it.

But now ... I ruined all of it. I don't know if he'll ever be able to forgive me this betrayal. My mistake was believing that a baby would assure me that I could keep Adrian in my life and prevent him from leaving. But I didn't take it into a consideration that this would be the sole reason he'll walk away.

I mean, I did think about it, but I didn't think he would be this mad.

I don't even know what I was thinking. I was foolish and stupid and I don't have any excuse as to why I did what I did. I was just selfish and thought only of myself and my own feelings, not considering other people I'd hurt in the process.

"Miss Duarte," comes Mrs Welch's now all too familiar snarling tone. "The work won't do itself."

I look at her. Really look at her polished clothes, straight posture, her head held high, her blonde hair twisted into a what seems like another complicated hairstyle, her lips bright red, making her look even more intimidating. I don't fear her now. She's nothing compared to the demons inside of me, eating me alive.

"I'm right on it," I reply, instead of trying to start an argument with her. I know it would be of no use.

"You better," she replies, her tone straight out mean.

I turn away from her and give myself the enjoyment of rolling my eyes. I really don't have the energy to deal with her on top of everything today. My world fell apart, I don't need her to split it open any further.

I go up in my room to change back into my uniform, wiping the single tear I let fall down my face, before standing up straighter and stepping back in, keeping my face as neutral as I can. I'm not good at hiding my emotions, but I was also never keen on crying in front of other people. I avoid doing that. I hate it, in fact.

Something or someone has to really emotionally hurt me in order for me to cry in front of them. I always found it embarrassing and it was obvious it made other uncomfortable, but nonetheless, I think it takes a lot for a person to break down in front of others.

And I am no way in hell letting Mrs Welch see me hit my rock bottom. I will never show her how hurt I am.

On my way down, I run into Milena and I ask her what needs to be done. I hide my emotions so well that she doesn't even notice anything is wrong with me. She just explains the clothes need to be washed and there are fresh ones who need to be ironed and put back.

"Okay, I'll go do that," I say, turning around.

"Cassie," Milena calls. I turn back around to look at her. "Is everything alright?"