Forbidden Pleasures

[36.]

I don't have time to feel sorry for myself or feel ashamed. I'm still paid to do work here. I put on a fresh uniform and go back to work. I don't know if the man is still here. I don't want to know. I don't want to see him ever again. I don't even want to face Adrian right now.

There are so many feelings running inside of me. Not positive ones, may I add.

I have this weird feeling on my skin, and just weird feeling overall. What Adrian and I did really shook me up. I don't really blame him for that. I was up for it. I agreed to do it. He didn't force me into anything. That's why I'm even more ashamed.

Milena leans against the counter just before we have to serve dinner. "Are you alright, Cassandra?"

"Yes," I assure her quickly. "Why wouldn't I be?" I probably wear a guilty expression.

"It's not my place to ask what happened, but I would hate to see you hurt, Cassie. You're such a sweet girl, you have your whole life ahead of you. You're smart. Don't let a man come in-between your future."

I give her a smile. I put my hand over hers, appreciating how she looks after me. "I won't, Milena. I promise." I can give Adrian anything he wants, but I'm not giving him my future and education, that's what I'm sure of.

Milena rubs my arm, affectionately, giving me a motherly smile. "Let's feed them now."

I'm scared to face Adrian. I don't know what's wrong with me. I think I still have some morals left, after all. Adrian is reading news on his tablet, his glasses on, not giving Mrs Welch any attention. Who he gives attention, though, is me when I walk in. He puts the table down and simply stares at me. I look anywhere but at him.

When I try to turn around and leave, he grabs my arm, stopping me. I give him a serious look, not wanting to do this in front of everyone. I think we made enough of a scene in front of someone else before. A remarkable scene that I won't forget soon – if ever. I don't want to be humiliated any more today.

"Are you okay?" he asks quietly.

"Yes," I grit out, tugging my arm out of his grasp and successfully walking away, my heart pounding in my chest.

I hear Mrs Welch's laugh all the way from the kitchen and it makes my scalp prickle. It's a mean laugh. I don't like it. Everything this woman this, it seems, it's with venom and hatred. She doesn't seem to be enjoying anything. In some context, I actually feel sorry for her. Maybe she just doesn't know how to be happy in her life and that's why she's bitter. Maybe she'll realise one day that this is not how to live a life, it does you no good.

But who am I to judge? I've been miserable half of my life. I shake my head, wrapping my arms around myself and just go through this dinner, being quiet, having my head low and not making eye contact with anyone.

Adrian finds me later, right after dinner when I'm putting the dishes into the dishwasher. He looks delicious in a three-piece suit. It's so unfair.

"Did you eat?" is his first question. I don't know what's his deal with food. He's always so persistent that I eat, always wondering if I did and getting mad if my answer is negative.

"I had a delicious lunch, yes. Thank you."

His eyes narrow, but I turn around, ignoring it. "No dinner?" he wonders.

I have to hold back so I don't roll my eyes, even though he can't really see me. "I don't feel any hunger."

I hear him sigh. "Do you want to tell me what's bothering you, Cassandra?" he asks softly. Patiently.

I still for a second, stopping what I was doing. Dios, why does he always have to be so ... I can't even find a word for it, but he's always trying to come to me when a problem occurs and he wants to solve it. He's always so observative and he isn't a man to ignore a woman whenever she's being in a bad mood because of something that happened he was involved with.