The Final Act

Chapter Fifteen: The Journal

Dear Journal,

I had a major meltdown today after classes. I'm getting scared again. I knew college would be tough, but I thought I had my depression under control. Dr. Frederick upped my anti-depressants last week, but I don't think they've had enough time to work. I feel awful. I struggled to get out of bed this morning and then proceeded to fall apart. It's a good thing I decided to go to school close by because I really need the Doc's help. He said he could fix me, but it will take some time. I don't have time. I have to function and I can't.

I started going out with a really nice guy, but I think he's getting tired of my mood swings. I'm tired of them too. I hope I'm not schizophrenic or something because my highs are super high and my lows are down in the basement of my body. I have to stop thinking like this.

My friend, Kara, said I'm looking exhausted. I'm taking something the doc gave me to help me sleep but then I'm groggy in the morning, and I'm starting to wake up with that sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach again. It just hurts.

Why can't I be normal?

Angel