The Final Act

Chapter Seventeen: Revelation

I am falling in love with him, Angel thought as she stretched out on her bed to relax before the evening's performance. I've got to let him in. He has to know. I can't hide anymore nor do I want to. Angel's thoughts were clearer now than they had ever been. She wanted this relationship and only by telling Rory the baggage she was carrying around with her, could they have an honest connection. If she scared him off, then it was never meant to be. But she prayed he would understand and be by her side. What was it they said in marriage vows? For better or worse? Well she would certainly bring worse to the table with her.

Relief slipped into her soul with her determination and the evening's performance was as electric as it had ever been. There were more standing ovations on this second night than there were on opening night. Rory stole a glance at Angel as they were taking their bows and he saw a different light in her eyes. It seemed that a weight had been lifted and she was glowing. But, he had said he would give her space, so he merely hugged her and left for home right after the performance.

The air outside was crystal clear as Rory slid into his Uber ride with Frank at the wheel.

"Hey, buddy, you look different tonight. Got a hot date?"

"Something even better, Frank. I think I'm in love."

"Well, I'll say that's better. Who's the lucky lady."

"Not saying yet, Frank. I'm still not sure how she feels, but I'll let you know when I do."

With her courage firmly in place, Angel called Rory and asked to see him. It was late, after one, and she had awakened him from a sound sleep. At first, he thought it was a dream, but then he heard her voice so clearly he knew it had to be real.

"Can you come over to my place?" Angel asked, finally ready to let him know where she lived. She was about to let her guard down and needed the comfort of her own surroundings to back her up.

Rory slipped on his trousers and a Henley and flew out the door. She lived so close all this time—in walking distance of his apartment. He breathed in the cool night air filling his lungs with hope.

Angel, wearing sweats and having scrubbed off her stage make-up answered the door when George let Rory up. She took his breath away. She took him by the hand and led him to the sofa. She took the chair opposite him. She needed the distance for this conversation.

Angel led right out of the gate. "Before you say anything, Rory, I need you just to listen to me. You may feel differently about me when you hear what I have to say."

Rory took in a deep breath, focused on her eyes and listened.

"When I was 16, in fact on the morning of my 16th birthday, I woke up with a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. It went on for days. Then I would feel better only to have it bubble up inside me again. I can't explain how it felt except to say that it hurt inside and when I was feeling bad I couldn't snap out of it. My mom said I was being overly dramatic, but when it persisted, she finally took me to the doctor. He diagnosed anxiety and said it was a normal part of being a teenager. He gave me an anti-anxiety medication which helped for a while until I started going downhill again. Some days I couldn't even get out of bed."

Angel watched for signs of retreat from Rory but he only focused his attention more fully on her words.

"I battled this for years and it was finally diagnosed as major clinical depression. I've been on a boatload of medication and it keeps it at bay, but sometimes it's not enough and it rears its ugly head. When it gets really bad, I can't function, I can't think and I can't cope. I'm not trying to scare you, Rory, but this is real, this is me and if you really want a relationship you have to accept this is who I am. I don't know when it will hit or how hard it will hit. The stage has been my lifesaver because up there in front of the lights I can pretend. I can pretend I'm happy or sad or anything in between because it's all just a game, a fairy tale, and I'm just the princess or the witch. And sometimes I don't want to step out of that role because then I have to be me again."

Angel stopped, certain Rory would get up and leave. When he didn't make a move, she continued.

"This is not something simple, Rory. It's a constant part of my life and some days I don't feel like it's all worth it. But, somehow, I keep putting one foot in front of the other and just keep going. I don't think you need to be dragged into anything like this. Cut your losses now and we can leave as friends. We can still be Maggie and Kevin when we're up there under those lights. I promise nothing will change there."

Rory sat unmoved. His feelings were all twisted, sorrow, anger, betrayal and compassion all running through his brain fighting for space. Why had she not trusted him enough to confide in him before this. He would have understood. In fact, knowing her secret could have helped him help her navigate some of the emotional scenes.

Angel finished and the air in the room was leaden.

"Say something, Rory," Angel said, anxiety creeping into her voice.

"I wish you had trusted me with this sooner, Angel. Maybe I could have helped."

"This is not a conversation starter, Rory. This can be a deal breaker. We were just actors in a role at first and this is not something you dump on someone else. And no, you can't help me; it is an affliction that only medicine and therapy can help."

"I could have supported you, Angel. And I thought we were more than just actors in a role."

Angel, fear choking her voice, said, "I think we are now, Rory and that's why you needed to know."

Rory paused for the briefest of moments before he left the couch, knelt down before Angel and took her hands. "I love you, Angel—all of you. I can't pretend I understand depression, but I will stand by you when you're up and when you're down. Just please let me into your life."

Tears began forming in the corners of Angel's eyes, before rolling down her cheeks. Rory stood and pulled her to her feet. She melted into his arms and wept.

It was 5 in the morning when Angel finally fell asleep wrapped up in the warmth of Rory's body. She was spent. Rory had listened; he had not bolted. As she slept, Rory tried to absorb the magnitude of her revelations. She was hurt and had lived with that hurt for so many years. Although he didn't quite understand the nature of her affliction, he knew it was a major part of who she was and he loved her for the strength she had in dealing with it. Little did he know that she would not always have the strength necessary to rise above each episode.

Angel roused, a lightness rising in her chest. Was it all a dream, or had she totally unburdened herself to this man who had become so important in her life? She gazed up at him, his mouth slightly opened in sleep, and prayed that when, or if, she had another severe episode, he wouldn't regret becoming a part of her life. Darkness does something for bravery; she would have to see what the morning light brought. She slipped out of his arms and, remembering she had to take her medication, padded into the bathroom in her bare feet. Her face was gaunt, yet there was a light in her eyes. Her admission had drained her, yet set her free.

Rory opened his eyes disoriented. Seconds passed before he realized where he was and why. As the fog in his brain began to lift he mulled over what he had heard the night before. Angel, his Angel, was hurting and had been for such a long time. And hiding the secret from everyone only exacerbated her sense of unworthiness. He loved her even more for the burden she carried so gracefully. He knew he would stand by her even in her darkest hour because that is what love was.

When Angel appeared from the bathroom, Rory grabbed her in his arms and kissed her feverishly. She responded with abandon and they shared a passion which this time was not acting. She broke away to look into his eyes.

"You do understand everything I told you last night, don't you?" she asked.

"I understand you now more than ever. I do love you, Angel Callahan, and I will be with you if you'll let me."

Angel stared into his eyes and said, "I will."