I Am Sorry (Mackenzie Ziegler)

Chapter Fifteen

Mackenzie's POV

I kept running. I kept running until I physically couldn't anymore. I stumbled onto the ground and skinned my knee. My body's completely numb so I didn't feel the blood trickle down my leg.

My tears were uncontrollable and my numb body was shaking.

What do I do? Maddie's dead? Are you sure? No, Maddie's not dead! Am I going crazy?

"Hey! What are you doing out here? It's freezing!" I heard a voice. I don't want to talk to anybody. I can't talk to anyone.

I quickly put my hands over my ears.

Maddie's not dead. Maddie's not dead. Maddie's not dead. Maddie's not dead.

I felt a strong grip shake my shoulders.

"Go away!" I screamed. The shake sent shock waves through my body. Sweat and tears were streaming down my face still.

"What's wrong?" He screamed back. "Hey! You're okay! Talk to me!"

I opened my eyes and looked at him.

"It'll never be okay!"

"Why? Why won't it be okay?"

"My sister's dead!" No, why'd I say it?"

"Dead? How? When?"

"Stop! I can't do this! She's dead! Maddie's dead!" I-I can't do this anymore. She's gone. I can't live without her. No. I can't.

My body keeps shaking. My heart is pounding hard in my chest. I can't breath.

"Hey! My name's Logan. What's yours?"

"M-Ma-Ma-Mackenzie."

"Can you breathe?" I saw his lips move but I didn't hear a sound.

My ears are muffled and I can't concentrate.

"Mackenzie, you need to breath! You're having a panic attack, the ambulance-" Black. Everything's black.

------------------------------------------------

"Mackenzie?" An unfamiliar voice asked.

"M-Maddie?" I asked.

"No. My name is Dr. Payson."

"Where's Maddie?" I demanded.

"Why don't you open your eyes and talk to me, Mackenzie?"

"No!"

"Why not?"

"I-if I open them then I can't see Maddie."

"What exactly are you talking about?"

"I-I don't know. I just can't live without Maddie. I c-can't do it!"

"Mackenzie, I need you to answer some questions please."

"Um, okay."

"Were you close to Maddie?" He asked.

"We used to be. Then I started to be mean all the time because I was jealous. I wanted to and still want to be just like her."

"Good. Was she your role model?"

"Yes." I smiled. "Nobody knew but yes. I used to sneak into her room and fall asleep next to her just to see how she was still so pretty while she slept. I know, weird right?"

"What's the longest you have ever been away from Maddie?"

"A day."

"Did you not like it when you were away from Maddie."

"No, not really."

"What happened when you found out she was gone?"

"I-I," tears forced my eyes open, "I started to cry, then I started yelling at her. I ran away from it. I didn't want to a-accept it, I still don't. Then I'm in here. Mind answering why I am h-here?"

"Do me a favor and don't think about what happened, okay? Just clear your mind of it right now."

"Okay."

I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and cleared my mind.

"Will you answer my question now?" I asked.

"A boy, around your age, named Logan Tucker, came in and said you had a panic attack. He's here, if you're wondering, and he just went down stairs before you woke up to get breakfast."

"Panic attack? Who's Logan? Why did he stay with me?"

"Yes, the fear of not being with your sister caused it. Logan said he found you last night crying on the side of the road while he was on a late night run. He was so worried that he stayed to make sure you were okay."

"That's really weird. I don't remember that at all. I just remember loneliness, fear, then black. I certainly don't know who Logan is."

"Well, he should be back any minute so you can meet your 'hero' if that's what you want to call him."

"Yeah, I'd rather not."

"See that IV in your arm?" He asked.

"Yep."

"That's the reason why you're so calm, it basically just makes you feel better."

"Oh. That explains a lot."

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💙Cailee