New Reality✖

III-Distant eyes

"I was born to be the other woman.
Who belonged to no one, who belonged to everyone.
Who had nothing, who wanted everything, with a fire for every experience and an obsession for freedom that terrified me to the point that I couldn't even talk about it, and pushed me to a nomadic point of madness that both dazzled and dizzied me."
Ride-Lana del Rey

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4am

I was awoken by the sounds of Frank's yelling. His voice made the whole room vibrate with his negative tone. I could hear mom screaming and yelling "SORRY FRANK! IM SORRY".

I turned on the lamp that sat on my bedside table and sat up straight in my bed. Sasha was awake, she lay in her bed listening to the muffled out fighting. A tear ran down her cheek.

I walked over to her bed and got in beside her. We often did this when there was an argument going on in the house. We held each other close and I ran my fingers through her soft wavy hair. We always found comfort in eachother even in the most frightening of situations.

Sasha was giving up gradually everyday, I could see it it. She was starting to worry me more and more, I didn't want her to end up like mom.

You know when you look into someone's eyes and they just seem distant?

Sasha looked like that everyday.

I wanted more than anything to take away her pain. To take away her sadness. I wanted her to be happy.
This is why I had to leave and find somewhere better for myself and my two little sisters, a place where we could have a brighter future, a place where they could grow gracefully into beautiful young ladies, surrounded by love and positivity. I wanted to be there for them forever, I wanted to look after them.

I turned off the light and we lay there, holding eachother close, listening to the continuous fighting and the loud bangs coming from the other room until we slowly drifted off to sleep.
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You could feel the tension in the air the next day between mom and Frank, and between Frank and I. It wasn't a good atmosphere and the whole house had a negative vibe going on. It was a Saturday, so that meant no school and more time to prepare myself for leaving. I was planning on leaving that night when mom and Frank were asleep.

I decided to take Sasha and Izzy out on a walk that day. I wanted to spend time with them and I wanted to get them out of that horrible, negative house as much as I possibly could.

We walked around the factory to my favorite little spot and sat on the bridge, our feet dangling down into the small stream below.

"Codi?.." said Izzy.

"Yes beautiful?"

"Do you have to leave?.." she paused, "I'll miss you.."

I pulled her up onto my lap and wrapped my arms around her waist.

"I know you will. But trust me, I'm doing this for you two, for us. I'm going to find a stable job in Seattle and have you two come stay with me.
Now, you have to promise me to stay strong while I'm gone okay?"

She looked at me with her big hazel eyes and nodded.

I worried about her. What if Frank got too angry one day and took it out on her? Or on Sasha? Like he done with me.. If I hadn't gotten Sasha out of the room that awful day when she was four who knows what would have happened to her.

"And Sasha," I continued, "I need you to stay even stronger. I need you to take care of Izzy and promise me that you will both stay out of harm's way."

Sasha threw a pebble into the stream and turned her head towards me, "I will Codi."

Their promises reassured me as I sat there spending my last moments with them, god knows how long I would go without seeing them afterwards.

Despite my worrying, a sense of excitement shook my body as I thought about the freedom I had always longed for. I was finally going to get my freedom. I was finally going to be the author of my own life, write my own story.

I had an obsession for this freedom and a growing fire inside of me for new experiences.