New Reality✖

XVI-Addicted to the pain

Our final day of travelling in the van started off like every other.

Lilia concentrating on the road as she hummed along to the sweet music from her old cassette tapes. Jack and I playing a game of cards together as we enjoyed eachothers company.

The only thing that was wrong was Chloe.She stared out of the window silently as her back was turned towards Jack and I.

After beating Jack at a game of cards I walked over and sat beside Chloe. Jack accidentally fell asleep on the sofa bed wrapped in one of Chloe's blankets.

"Chlo" I whispered, "you okay?"

She turned her head towards me and sniffed as her big blue eyes filled with tears.

"I'm fine Codi, just thinking about stuff."

"You don't seem fine." I replied as I moved closer towards her, "tell me, what's wrong?"

She sniffed and pulled back one of her sleeves to reveal scars.

These scars weren't birthmarks or even accidental scars. They were the kind of scars that were frowned upon in today's society, the kind of scars that people made while going through emotional struggle, the kind of scars that people regretted creating but longed to create more and more.

I examined the knife marks as one of Chloe's tears dripped down onto her arm. They were still red, they probably still hurt her physically and emotionally.

"I'm sorry if you didn't want to see that." She whispered, "I haven't told anyone about this."

There was a short silence before she continued,

"I've been self harming for a while now, I have scars on both arms and on my thighs. It all started because of my parents.. because they didn't accept that I am a lesbian. My mom used to turn off the hot water in the house when she knew I was taking a shower, she used to make me stand in the closet under the stairs and pray for forgiveness. She used to make me read the Bible every single night until I got it into my thick head that I was a sinner and that I had to be punished."

I took her hand as she sniffed.

"One day I had had enough, I'd had a hard day at school and my mom slapped me across the face for refusing to read the Bible that night. My dad told me to be more like my big sister Cindy, that Cindy was perfect and that I would be sent straight to hell. Their words just got to me..." She sighed,

" I went upstairs with a knife that I took from the kitchen and cut the first wound deeply into my wrist. It hurt like a bitch but at the same time it felt good, I felt like I deserved it. I felt like there was something wrong with me and I deserved to put myself through the pain. I felt so relieved... I became addicted to how it made me feel, I was addicted to the feeling of escape that it gave me, I was addicted to the pain. I just hope you won't judge me"

"Chloe.." I said as I felt a lump form in my throat, "I would never judge you. I'm just worried about you. It's amazing how much you hide with your smile... Please promise me that you won't do it again. Please Chloe."

"I, i'll try Codi."

"I care about you too much to see you harm yourself. Whatever you do to yourself Chlo', I'll do to myself, and I'm serious. I will take that knife to my wrists if that's what it takes because I care too much." I said as I caressed her hand.

"Codi, I would never want you to hurt yourself, I wouldn't wish it on anyone."

"Then don't do it to yourself."

She nodded as a tear dripped down her cheek. I pulled her into my arms.

"And forget about your parents. It's not because someone shares your DNA that they are your REAL family. We're here for you and we always will be no matter how far away, we're your family."

She smiled and wiped away her tears.

"I'm sorry, I'm a mess." She giggled and sniffed.

"Don't worry, we've all had our moments." I smiled.

I glanced over at Jack sleeping silently on the sofa as I realized how much I loved our little family.

I never ever thought that a bunch of teenagers who never even knew eachother existed could become so close, so quickly.

But most of all, I never thought that it would happen to me.