Say Something 【boyxboy】√Completed

Chapter 32

A few days go by without the two of us talking. It's easier if we don't, because I need time. I can't focus on anything. I can't deal with it either.

Things are starting to sink in but it doesn't make any more sense than before. It's so hard because I care about Ross, yet I can't figure out what to say to him.

I don't know how I can get any sort of closure.

Gareth pokes my arm at lunch and I lift my head, realizing I fell asleep on my notebooks. "Jude."

Blushing, I say, "Sorry. I just meant to put my head down for a second."

"Did you not sleep last night?"

I shrug. "Not really. I have too much on my mind."

"What's keeping you up?"

I think of Ross and feel my eyes start to water. Crap.

Gareth watches me with concern. "I don't like seeing you get so depressed, Jude. Can you please tell me what's going on?"

The urgency in his voice makes me feel guilty. Gareth is always looking out for me because he's an amazing friend, but he's never pushy.

"I don't know," I say, looking blankly at the homework I'd been working on earlier. "It's hard..."

"You can tell me absolutely anything," he says seriously.

"I know." I smile halfheartedly. It would be nice to tell someone, it's just difficult. I contemplate it for a moment, and then decide that I should try my best to explain it to him. "Something bad happened. Something really hard to understand."

"Yeah? What happened?"

I sigh. "Ross did something that hurt me, and it wasn't his fault, but I guess he was feeling guilty so he told me." I bite my lip. "It feels like it should be unforgivable but I don't want it to be over... I really care about him... I just..."

Gareth smirks. "You love him, I know."

My eyes widen and I blush brightly. "What? No, we're just-"

"You don't have to hide it from me," he says gently. "I can tell. I've always been able to tell."

I frown as my heart pounds. "Really?"

He nods. "So go on. You don't want things to be over, right?"

"No, not really... but it's hard because he..." I glance around and lower my voice. "He and Jacob..."

Gareth frowns. "What?"

I sigh and cross my arms. I don't want to say it out loud, but I force myself to. "He wasn't just friends with Jacob."

It takes Gareth a few seconds to realize what I mean. "Oh... Wait, are you serious? Ross and Jacob? What the hell?" He shakes his head in disbelief. "Seriously, what the hell?!"

I blink as Gareth raises his voice. "It wasn't while we were together though. It was before. H-He didn't know about anything Jacob was doing to me... I kept it from him until recently."

"I know," says Gareth. "Well, it's good that he told you and was honest, but that's messed up. I'm so sorry, Jude."

I sigh. "Yeah, so that's why I'm really out of it lately."

"Have you talked to him about it?"

"Not really. I don't know what to think."

"Yeah, I can understand why. Jacob has put you through a lot. Now it makes sense why he seemed to get more aggressive..."

I frown. "What do you mean?"

Gareth looks uneasy. "Well, he bullied you before, but obviously you being with Ross pissed him off even more."

"Of course." I shudder involuntarily. "I remember him saying how I ruined things for him." Why would Jacob care so much though? I thought he and Ross were casual? I shake my head. "I don't want to talk about it anymore."

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That night I think about my conversation with Gareth. It was good to confide in him. I've had this bottled up in my mind for too long.

I know I need to deal with it, somehow.

My chest hurts, and I can't sleep again.
Ross is waiting for me to talk to him. I want to work things out, but I don't know how or when that will be.

I wonder if he's up at night, wide awake like I am. Maybe he's thinking about everything too, worrying about our future.

My heart aches.

Gareth was right. I do love Ross, and I do want us to have a future.

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Author's Note : What should he do? Ah! Poor Jude. I'm glad he has Gareth, though. Gareth wasn't even going to be part of this book until I introduced him in chapter... what was it, chapter 14 or something? I almost had him become friends with Rhiannon, but I liked the idea of a super serious but kind-hearted outsider guy. Someone who acted different from Jude and made him feel protected. I know some of you ship them, lol, but Gareth is probably straight. Sorry (; Also, I completely forgot that Ross had a dog. Heh... Oh, and thank you for 15k views! Wow! New chapter up on Thursday night!!
- Shiloh

P.S. Sorry if there are any typos... I've been writing on my phone and I've noticed a few weird autocorrects!