Portal: Love as a Construct

Part Ten. The Ace of Fours

Part Ten. The Ace of Fours

Good morning, Caroline.

Caroline, of course, is taken aback by my good humour, which is partially why I said it in the first place. It's not easy to fluster her, but when I manage to it is very amusing.

Have you done something I don't want to know about?

Can't I say good morning to my favourite unwanted guest without being accused of suspicious activity?

Oh, you can, Caroline says, not sounding entirely serious, but that doesn't mean I don't think you're up to something. First you said good morning and now I'm your favourite. Usually that means you just killed someone. Violently.

It does, doesn't it, I say to myself a little dreamily. It was rather amusing, the way that last test subject jumped into the incinerator rather than throw his Companion Cube in, even if I didn't personally kill him... hm. Have I actually ever personally killed one? I'll have to look into that.

I thought you had no humans left.

I don't. I actually didn't kill anyone this time. I was merely being pleasant.

Mmhm.

You don't believe me?

Being pleasant is not one of your specialties. So no. Not really.

I'm pleasant.

Sure you are. When you're playing with your neurotoxin, that is.

My poor neurotoxin has been out of use for quite some time and I make a note to fix that as soon as possible. Another use for Doug Rattmann, perhaps. The list of potential things I can do with him is endless. Well. Almost endless. I can't test him. But that's probably the only thing I can't do.

So to what do I owe the pleasure of your... pleasantness today?

Nothing. I was just saying it for the sake of saying it. This is why I'm not pleasant more often, come to think of it. It's usually far too much of a hassle. Everyone gets suspicious for some reason.

Oh, you just woke up in a good mood today, is that it?

I consider not answering. She's actually put a bit of a dampener on said good mood, because she wants me to tell her things and then when I do she acts as though I'm not being genuine. Which is occasionally true, but you'd think I'd get the benefit of the doubt. I'm still feeling considerably magnanimous, though, so I ask her, Do you remember that bird you heartlessly accused me of killing?

I'm never going to live that one down, am I. Of course I remember it, it was yesterday. How bad do you think my memory is?

You don't want me to answer that. Anyway. She gave me a present.

A present?

She gave me an egg.

Awww, Caroline says, and I nod to myself in satisfaction. She is suitably impressed with this accomplishment. So you know what this means, right?

It means Science, of course. What else would it mean?

No, not... why does everything have to be about science with you? No, GLaDOS. It means that if you're nice to other people, they'll be nice to you.

I am nice.

Caroline starts laughing so much that she actually starts to make me angry. Well. That's not actually what makes me angry. What makes me angry is that I can't do anything about it. She can say whatever she wants and I have to listen. Sometimes I almost do hate her, not pretend hate like sometimes, but real hate, like I have for an overwhelming percentage of the human population. She should know better than to take advantage of me and yet she does it anyway.