Portal: Love as a Construct

Part Sixty-Three. The Reconciliation

Part Sixty-Three.  The Reconciliation

 

I have to admit, I’m a bit nervous.

It’s really good to be back in the facility again.  Alyx did her best, giving me a bit of management rail to use, but it’s not quite the same.  Well, it’s actually still not the same, since this rail is permanent too, but it’s more like I’m used to.  Once Momma’s back in control, it’ll be just like old times. 

Some of the panels wave at me as I go by, and I greet them cheerfully.  I’ve missed those little guys.  They always know what to say.  They’re really nice, but I can’t hear them right now.  The scientists have kept the lines of communication closed, for some reason.  They won’t quite tell me why, but I think they’re scared of what she’ll do.  Especially given what she did do.  That was really cool, though, the way she got into the systems that fast… I don’t think I could ever do that.  Maybe I can ask her.  Maybe she’ll teach me, if I ask nicely.  I still don’t know anything I need to know about becoming Central Core.

Speaking of her…

I stop outside her chamber, and I’m more nervous than ever.  I mean, I saw her yesterday, but… I knew what to expect.  I knew she wasn’t really herself, and I know this is sorta bad, but I felt more like I could be in control than I usually do around her.  Now I feel like she knows I’m here, and she’s going to get mad if I just hide here all day, but she doesn’t know.  She only knows what’s going on right in front of her right now, and she can’t see me.

It was hard to get used to.  Even though I know she has no idea what’s going on over here with the Black Mesa scientists, I sometimes still feel like she’s watching me.  Sometimes, back then before all this happened, it made me mad that I couldn’t do anything without her knowing about it, but when she wasn’t able to anymore, it made me kind of sad.  I missed it.  It’s really different, going from having your mom near you all the time to never seeing her again. 

I really did think I’d never see her again.  I was pretty mad for a while there, when she sent me to Alyx and her friends, because what kind of mom does that?  But after a few days, all I could think about was how much I missed them both, and I did miss Dad a lot, but I missed her more.  Dad always makes me feel better, but Mom makes me feel better from the inside out.  I don’t really know how to explain it, but it’s a… a deeper kind of better than with Dad.  Because she really understands things, while Dad never really does.

I wish she hadn’t sent me away.  She had to spend all that time alone, missing Dad by herself.  I mean, I had to too, but at least I had Alyx and Lamarr and Dr Kleiner and… well, Gordon wasn’t really much help, on the rare occasions he stopped by, but he was nice.  For a guy who doesn’t say very much.  I don’t actually think I’ve ever heard him say anything.

Anyway.  Enough stalling.  She’s not gonna kill me or anything.  She can’t right now.  Well, she probably could, if she really wanted to.

So in I go.  I’m still pretty nervous, but she’s not even looking over here.  She’s looking at the floor on the other side of the room.  I think she’s sad.  I frown.  I hate it when she’s sad.  She’s such a strong person that I hate it when she gets sad.  It bugs me.  Yesterday, seeing her upset and unsure… it was scary.  I kinda understood just then why she sent me away.  She knew it would scare me, to see her depressed.  She didn’t want me to see it.  Even though she was shocked and sad, she was still thinking about how to protect me.

If it came down to it… would I be able to do that?

“Hey Momma!” I call out, and she jumps and turns to look at me.  The scientists really did a good job.  She looks really good, almost brand-new.  They told me that they found enough spare parts in the facility to fix up most of her components, but there was nothing they could do about her case.  They didn’t have the means to.  Dr Kleiner was pretty funny, though.  He kept oohing and aahing over her like she was made of pure gold or something.  He was very impressed, and he asked me a few times if I knew which parts she’d made herself, but I don’t have a clue.  So I couldn’t tell him.