Portal: Love as a Construct

Part Fifty-Six. The Message

Part Fifty –Six.  The Message

 

           

“She doesn’t care if she has to help you be sad, GLaDOS,” Chell continues, albeit in more of a comforting way.  “She just wants to come home.”

“But I don’t… want her to see me like that again.”

“Then deal with it now, while you still can.”

That’s surprisingly good advice, but… should I?  Or is she wrong?

“She misses you and she loves you.  And she’s worried about you.  Because she already knows how badly you were affected by it.  You don’t have to do things alone.  If she can’t help you, she’ll tell you herself.  But do yourselves a favour.  Let her try.  Let yourself try.  She’s there for you.  And I think she always will be.  Because as upset as she was about losing her dad, I think she was more upset about losing you.”  I want to look away from her but I can’t.  “And she told me to tell you that she misses you.  Specifically.  She wants you to know that more than anything.”

“I can’t do it without him,” I whisper.  “I need his help because I don’t understand – “

Chell’s voice is firm.  She’s not letting me out of this.  “You can.  She’s strong and smart.  If she doesn’t know now, she’ll figure it out when she gets here.”

“I miss her.”

I don’t even know if I meant to say that.  But now that I’m able to think even the tiniest bit straight, I… can hardly even stand it.  I miss arguing with her.  I miss her trying to trick me into saying things I don’t want to say.  I miss her drawings and her attempts to get a job and her morning hello… and the worst thing is, I really don’t have a good reason for not contacting her right now.  All that’s preventing me from doing it is the fear that my collapse will have made her think negatively of me, that now she thinks I’m weak and pathetic, and even though it’s probably not true I cannot stop believing it.  

“Bring her home,” Chell says quietly. 

And I want to.  But I don’t want to face her right now.  If she had been here, the mainframe never would have dared take over.  And I’m going to have to tell her what happened, I’m going to have to tell her I almost lost everything because I tried to go it alone, and I’m going to look like such a fool…

“Why did you do it?” Chell asks, her voice still soft.  “She must have been a lot of work.  What made you decide that you wanted a daughter, and to go to all that trouble to make one?”

I suppose that does sound like a bit of an odd decision for me to make.  “He made it sound like such a good idea.”

She inhales sharply.  “No…”

“Yes,” I snap, taking advantage of the anger this statement causes.  “I admit it.  I caved and became attached to the little idiot who tried to kill me.  I –“

She holds her hands up in submission.  “I’m not judging you.”

“You’re not?”  I still judge me, sometimes.

“How could I?” she says, spreading her hands in my general direction.  “I did the exact same thing.  Well, the way you just described it, anyway.”

“You did?”

“Am I not sitting in front of the psychotic supercomputer that tried to kill me?”