Portal: Love as a Construct

Part Fifty-Two. The Takeover

Part Fifty-Two.  The Takeover

 

My baby’s crying.

My baby’s crying in the basement.  I can hear it echoing up to me from the cold heart of this place.  The cold heart of me.  She doesn’t know I can hear her.  She doesn’t know.  She doesn’t.

Does she?  Does she know?  Does my baby know I can hear her down there, crying all alone in the basement?

I hope not.  I hope she doesn’t know.  I hope I’m hallucinating, because when my baby cries it hurts me somewhere, somewhere deep inside, and I don’t want to hurt anymore.

I think I did it again, Wheatley.  I think I scared her and made her cry.  I said some things.  I don’t know what I said.  I wish I knew.  I’m glad I don’t know.

I told you, Caroline.  I told you I didn’t know what I was doing.  I’m too broken.  Too messy.  Too tired.

When will my time come, Caroline?  I already died three times.  It wasn’t a case of third time’s the charm.  It was three strikes, you’re out.

Does… does that mean I really am going to live forever?  I don’t want to.  I want to die too.  People wake me up when I die.  They don’t let me stay dead.  I want to die, and stay dead this time, and I want to go to a heaven I don’t believe in and keep my little moron beside me forever.  He was wrong, you see.  The world isn’t colder when I’m gone.  It doesn’t miss me.  It misses him, though.  It’s cold here, without him.

I feel… odd.

If I can call it that.  Feel… I don’t know if I’m able to feel, right now.  I just feel blank and empty and numb.  All I am really aware of is my baby crying, but even that is faint, as though I am imagining it.  I must be imagining it.  I must be imagining all of this, everything, because even I’m not so heartless to let Wheatley die without a fight.  Even I wouldn’t punish my baby for trying to help me. 

Would I?

I think I did.

I don’t want to be me anymore.  I want to be someone else.  I would rather be a human than myself right now.  I don’t know, but I don’t even know what I don’t know.  I just don’t.  Where did I go, and why do I feel like this, or not feel like anything, or…

I need to get her out of here. 

I have to send her away before I start feeling again.  I don’t know what happened to all the sadness and all the pain, but it will be back.  She has to go.  For her own safety.  I can’t help her.  I can’t help her and I can’t help myself.  I missed my chance.  He tried to help me fix myself and I failed him.  I failed him and I failed my baby and I failed myself.  That’s it.  It’s over.  I’m just going to go back to what I used to be and try to forget about all of this.  I didn’t make it.  I tried.  But I didn’t make it.

Centralcore?

Not right now.

We just want to know if –

Not right now.

I just want to sleep until the world rights itself.  Everything was in balance.  Everything made sense.  I was finally happy, and now I’ve lost everything.              And the blame lies solely on me.

I haven’t been numb like this in so long. 

I need her to get out of that room.  I can’t transport her while she’s in there.  Who knows what might get sent out with her.  I suppose I can wait.  I don’t want to do it anyway.  I don’t want to do anything.