Secrets (Jason McCann/Dolan Twins au)

12

I spent weeks not saying a word, barely getting by. I heard all the comments of how bad I looked, or how terrible I seemed to be doing. It didn't matter. Nothing mattered without Jason here by my side. My world seemed bigger, lonelier, and darker. I guess I never realized how much he made up of my world until he was missing from it.

I sat alone for most of my classes, only the twins attempted to talk to me. I would respond back, but never with words. I didn't have it in me to live like I did before. I only did the bare minimum to get by, and it was enough. 

Through the weeks the pain didn't go numb. It only got worse. My longing for him to be by my side once again only strengthened. I missed his touch, his presence, and his existence. 

I let a sigh leave my lips as I watched the tv from my bed. Killings of a gang related to Jason's dad had been occurring. It didn't make sense to me. Who would be out to kill his dad's people  other that Jason and his gang? 

When Jason died Ethan and Greyson took his place of power. They hadn't said any orders except to lay low after Jason died. 

'Who's doing the killings?'

I shut off the tv letting silence fill my room once again. I picked up a photo of Jason and I that lay on a table beside my bed. I gazed upon our faces smiling in delight of each other's presence. A tear rolled down my face and I fell back against the plush of my bed. I let all my thoughts fade as I welcomed sleep, still clutching the memory of us together. 

---

Another week passed. It had been almost a month since Jason died. I was doing better. I spoke now. It was never much, but it was better than before. Small replied that were always straight to the point. Never more, never less. 

I sat where Jason and I had been those nights on the beach. I didn't cry when I thought about him. I just smiled and let the tears fill my eyes, but never let them leave. 

'I have to move on...' I thought to myself as I absentmindedly drew in the sand. I let my mind wander for sometime, until I felt a presence beside me. 

"You don't look too happy all by yourself." The person commented. 

I laughed a little to myself. 

"No, I'm not." I barely whispered out.

He was wearing all black. Jeans and a ripped sweatshirt, hood covering his face.

"Isn't it a little hot to be wearing that in LA?" I looked straight forward. I never looked anyone in the eye when I spoke to them. I was too afraid their eyes would remind me of Jason. 

"Isn't it a little risky to be alone by yourself this late in the night?" He answered back.

"I just can't find it in me to care anymore." He sat down beside me. 

"Rough night?" He questioned. 

"No, rough past month." He let out a laugh. It wasn't the type you let of happiness, but rather pity to try to make the mood lighter.

"You know, I always thought I was good at making decision, and then I met this one girl. Whenever I was around her I just couldn't think straight. I got her hurt so many times from making stupid choices. I thought I could protect her, but it seems I only hurt her. Its been rough for me since the last time I saw her. I don't know what the date is. I don't think I want to. Maybe she's forgotten me already. Maybe she's already moved on. I don't want to know." He rested his head in his hands as he spoke. 

"I think if you two had something special she'd still care. My boyfriend died a month ago. I still care. I wish I didn't, then maybe it'd be easier. I love him so much. I would trade my life for his without hesitation. He didn't deserve to die. Sure he had a messed up past, but he was such a good, caring person. I miss him." I was crying by the end of my last sentence. I told myself I wouldn't cry over him anymore, yet I've done it again.

"One day I'm going to come back for her. I want to be a better person for her, and I'm not right now. I'm trying, and it's not easy. But I'd do anything to make her happy for as long as I can." I can hear the smile in his voice. 

"It sounds like you really care for her. I hope you two work out." I said as I got up and began to walk away.

"Goodbye." I called over my shoulder.

"Goodbye." He replied.

---

A month and a half. I was beginning to feel normal. The twins and I were closer. It was almost like how it was before. We were sitting at a park eating various foods and we chatted.

"What'd you get on the math test?" Greyson asked me.

"I don't even want to know." I laughed. We continued talking about different subjects and enjoyed each others company. The sun was still high in the sky  as we had just gotten out of school on a Friday.

"Do you have any plans for tomorrow?" Ethan questioned.

"I'm free for almost the rest of my life." I grinned at him. 

I continued feasting on the bag of chips in my lap as I zoned out staring at a patch of trees in the distance that led to the beach. I never did figure out who the one person was. 

'I wonder how he is? Maybe he got back with that one girl. Became a better person and won her heart. I hope they're happy.' I thought to myself silently.

"Marlee," Ethan says in a shocked voice. "Hmm?" I look up to him and Greyson as I take a bite of a chip.

"Behind you." Greyson's eyes are wide. My heart begins to race as I turn my head quickly to look behind me. 

"Oh my god!" I scream as I see Jason behind me, smiling in all his glory.

"I told you I'd come back for you."