The King's Storm [Bellamy Blake]

11: Suicide Missions

I ignored the siblings behind me and walked from the tent to see all the delinquents staring at me, looking straight ahead, and through every one of them, I walked to the gates and pulled the gun from my holster, climbing the makeshift ladder to the top of the wall before sitting on top of the podium.

Staring out at the forest in front of me, I ignored all chatter going on below, my eyes focussing on any movement on the other side of the wall. A few birds flying past and the wind rustles some bushes, but no sight of any grounders. I watched as the clouds above moved silently across the sky and as time went on the clear blue sky faded through various shades of purple, pink red and then to a black as the sun set.

I heard someone climbing up behind me, but focussed on the ground the other side, keeping my focus for any potential movement. "Storm?" Jasper's voice softly asked. "You've been here for 10 hours. Are you not hungry? Someone else can take watch while you eat or rest?" he offered. I shook my head lightly then focussed back to the ground. I felt his warm hand touch mine, I took a deep breath then shook my head.

"Not tonight, not with him out there Jasper. I will do all I can to protect him" I muttered before his hand disappeared and Jasper climbed back down the ladder. I looked out at the stars and heard another person begin climbing up the ladder. Sighing lightly, I turned to see Bellamy climbing up before sitting beside me. "Are you trying to push me further away Blake? First you try to kill the first man to make me smile since you did, and now you won't leave me alone" Bellamy sat down beside me and looked straight ahead then sighed.

"I just wanted to talk, civilly. Some of the things you said..." He looked to me for the first time, an emotion I couldn't recognise in his eyes. "I can't just sit in silence knowing you feel that way" I felt his hand on top of mine, before I snatched mine back, putting both in my lap.

"You mean you don't want to feel guilty if I go out and get myself killed even though you're pushing away everyone I like?" I turned to him with an eyebrow raised, Bellamy gave me a pained glance before putting his head in his hands.

"I don't want you hurting, and I definitely don't want you wishing you were dead because of me... I did a lot of things wrong Storm but I loved you, and a part of me always will. I don't want you hurting, ever" He grabbed my hand in his and I groaned.

"That's bullshit Bellamy! All you did in those last few months on the arc was treat me like shit and make me want to kill myself. Do you know that I tried, days before I was sent down here. Jaha found me foaming at the mouth in my bedroom" his jaw dropped and I shook my head, looking back into the night sky. "Why did it have to be you?" I asked quietly then looked to the brown-haired boy beside me. "why me, if either of us weren't guards then we would have never matched and never been introduced. I was doomed from the day I was born, and you prolonged that suffering because I couldn't do that to you"

"To me?" Bellamy questioned, I looked down and sighed.

"Your mother was never truly there for you and you had to be responsible for Tavy, I was the only one you had that you didn't need to hide, watch your wording with and you could be honest to. I didn't have any family Bellamy. I was alone from the day I was born, if it weren't for you then no-one would even notice" He looked to me sadly and I ran a hand through my hair. "I fell in love with you, and even though I had no hope for myself, I would die before hurting you" I turned and set foot on the ladder again. "But you killed me instead, and now looking into the eyes I once loved reminds me of why I tried to kill myself" I quickly descended down the ladder then turned on my heels before walking off.

"Storm!" He yelled, jumping down from the wall, I walked to the gate and felt him catch my arm. "wait, please" his voice breaks. I turn to see his teary eyes and bit into my lip. "You're going to leave us aren't you?" He looked deep into my eyes. I looked to the ground and nodded slightly. "Don't, please. I need you" He begged. I shook my head and placed my hands on either side of his face.

"The great Bellamy Blake begging me to stay, oh for how long I wished for it. I'm not leaving forever. But I need time, I need to get away from all of this... you know I'll come back, no grounder will stop me" I laughed and he nodded sadly. "Keep everyone alive until I come back" I placed my hand on his shoulder, bellamy grabbed onto my wrist, looking at my cut up hand and then back to me.

"I will, but you need to promise to come back when your head has settled, or when we need you" He ordered. I nodded and bellamy pulled me into an awkward and yet comfortable hug. He pressed a quick kiss to my forehead before letting go. "Come back Emmerson, I need you, even if I don't admit it often"