Beyond The Lights

Personal

I think it's time for Kehlani and Queen to get a little PERSONAL.

I look out the window of my dad's car examining the  fast-moving city that I'm apart of. I fold my hands on the window sill my head peeking out the window as the brisk air slaps my face. I zone out whatever business talk my dad was blabbering about, ever since The Weekend dropped he has been in business mode. "Queen did you hear me?"

"Huh." I say snapping out of my daze.

"You have a performance today, and it will be recorded live but there is a on stage interview before your performance."

"Yeah that sounds great." I say trying to sound happy but I'm really really nervous like who tells someone about their performing THE DAY OF THE PERFORMANCE!

We pull into a parking-lot that I never recognized before, man I should really ask questions before getting into cars here I thought I was going to the studio.

"Here is where you're going to get your hair makeup and wardrobe done." My dad says walking me into an all white room filled with makeup supplies, hair tools, and clothes.

"This is  Carly, Alicia, and Nora." I'm guessing they're the ones who's going to get me prepped. My heart rate begins to speed up as this all becomes more and more real.

"Hurry honey get in the chair there's a lot for everyone to do." I could feel some random lady pushing me toward a makeup chair. I sit in the chair as a sharp pain shoots through my head

" Oh my god." I whisper holding my head.

" Dad I need a second." I say lowly as he blabbers about all the stupid fucking plans for today.

"There no time we have to do your hair, makeup, wardrobe....."

"Dad I can't do this it's way too much!" I say as my face heats up and my eyes get cloudy. I quickly sprint to the bathroom that was inside of the room. Fiddling with the doorknob I lock the door and drop to the floor.

"Queen open up the door!" I hear my dads deep voice boom from outside the door. With my chest heaving up and down I manage to get out a simple "no."

I close my eyes as I remember the last time I had a panic attack as bad as this one:

I hear footsteps come into the school bathroom and my heart rate speeds up.

"Queen? You're in here?" I hear my moms gentle voice call. I take a sigh of relief knowing that it's her.

"Mom I'm not coming out of this stall everyone will judge me mom." I say this is the worst situation I've ever been in .

"Honey, I'm not judging you I will never judge you. I don't care if you like girls, boys, girls and boys, hell you could like stuffed animals for all I care and I won't judge you." I open up the stall door and see my moms beautiful caramel face I look down to see she has a short golden dress on, she must've come from one of her shows.

I fall into her arms and close my eyes " Please don't tell dad his not as non-judgemental as you." She pulls away and wipes the tears that covered my face. "It's our little secret." She says with a gentle smile the same smile that makes you feel safe whenever I'm scared the same smile that brings me joy every day the same smile that I will never forget......

"Queen open up the door." I hear a familiar voice say.

"Nami I can't." I say my voice cracks with every word.

" There's no one out here but me Queen." There was something about her voice that I could trust. I steady my trembling hand long enough to turn the lock and slowly open the door.