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LUCAS finds out from his friends that you left him a note before the two of you broke up, explaining why you made the decision to in the first place (CONT. FROM PT. 3)
it felt wrong keeping such a large secret from someone you loved so much. lucas deserved to know why you couldn't be with him. if he had to hear it from alex it would make everything so much worse. he deserved to hear it from you.
"y/n," the blonde haired boy took your hand in his own and gently rubbed his thumb over your third and fourth knuckle. his hand was callous but oddly smooth at the same time. the gesture was so comforting and for a minute you forgot all the surrounding problems and focused only on lucas.
"whatever it is, i love you. you can tell me. i promise i won't leave." promises were tricky. they were so easily broken. and sometimes, especially by the person you loved the most.
"do you remember that night where you said you'd meet me at the party at alex's house but you ended up falling asleep in the middle of studying so you never came?" lucas nodded his head, continuing his soothing action.
"i ended up staying at the party even though i knew i should've gone home. it wasn't my scene and i was only there because i knew you were looking forward to it. but i didn't go home and ended up wasting the night." you felt so humiliated by the story. it was a memory you'd buried deep inside and hoped to forget.
"i can't exactly remember what happened but i know i really didn't drink that much. but i know that one of my drinks tasted really funny and everything after that got hazy. the room spun around a lot and i could barely stand up straight. at first i thought i had finally hit my limit and drank too much, but then i felt someone's face really close to mine." the pieces were aligning themselves inside lucas's mind and he wasn't sure if he could bear to hear any more of the story.
you could feel wet drops fall onto your cheeks and hated the fact that you felt so weak. how you let someone have so much power to make you feel weak.
"and when he kissed me i saw your face. i saw your blonde hair and green eyes and tan skin. so i kissed him back. i kissed him because i thought he was you. i don't know why i saw you instead of him. i think i just... i just really needed you that night and i missed you and i told myself what i wanted to see to help deal with it all. but after we kissed and i pulled away, i saw that it wasn't you and i had never felt so disgusted with myself."
lucas was on the verge of tears and he couldn't tell if he was heartbroken for what happened to you that night or pissed at the asshole he knew who did that to you.
"i tried to leave but he kept wanting more. he was dragging me upstairs and for some reason i started hearing your voice inside my head and how you always told me how strong and brave and bold i was, even though i never believed you. but just hearing those words triggered something inside of me and i fought him back. i pushed and punched and kicked the guy until he finally let go of me and i ran as fast as i could. i don't even know where i ran to, i just kept going until i was far away enough. i knew i couldn't call you and i couldn't call my parents so i called the only person i knew would still be awake: zay."
it was clear what lucas felt now. anger. anger towards the guy who hurt you and anger towards zay, his best friend. he knew what happened to you which meant this entire time he knew why you had chosen to break up with lucas, yet he never told the blonde boy.
the room was silent for awhile. you could tell lucas was trying to control his temper and you still had tears falling down your cheeks. but you couldn't tell if this was it. if this was enough to make lucas walk away. it should have been. you were a horrible person. you should have known better. you should have left.
"lucas... i am so so sorry. i never meant for this to happen. please. i am so sor–"
"don't." this was it. this was lucas's breaking point. he finally had enough of you and was ready to let go. you slowly pulled your hand out of his, until he grabbed it again, keeping it in its original spot.
"you ever apologize for what happened to you that night. nothing from that night is your fault. you understand? i swear to god i'm gonna kill that son of a bitch. i mean how could he do that?! how could he just fucking touch you like that?!" it was rare for you to see lucas get so angry, but when he did, it was because something had happened to you. he was always trying to protect you. even when you guys were broken up.
"you're not mad at me? how could you not be? i'm mad at me."
"because i love you y/n. and i promised you that nothing you could tell me would make me unlove you. i love you."
and maybe you just wanted to stop crying for awhile and let this beautiful boy comfort you and tell you how much he loved you and how angry he was with the guy that touched you, or maybe you just couldn't deny the fact that you missed lucas as much as he missed you. either way, you let him hold you the rest of the night and whisper sweet words about how courageous and brave and strong you were.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: well hello there ! i know this has been an EXTREMELY long ass series but i swear i could not stop writing about this. i have no idea why. and i tried to keep them as short as possible but that meant i had to add a new part and then another new part until i have decided to end this little series at 4 parts. i know they were long as fuck but i hope you enjoyed them as much as i did. i was going to add another scene of lucas beating up the guy who hurt you, but i figured it would be much better if i left it the way i did.
also i am in no way shape or form trying to romanticize abuse or rape or anything of the sorts. trust me when i say i am a huge rape/abuse victim advocate. those people are all so strong and brave and wonderful and they need more people telling them that everyday. i wanted to write about the topic because i wanted to bring awareness to it and how it can so easily happen to anyone anywhere. the main character felt so horrible and worthless because of what happened to her but lucas made sure she knew it wasn't her fault and she was a strong girl. and that's what i wanted to focus on. so please don't think i'm just trying to write about abuse/rape for attention or reads or because it's "popular". i think people who do that are horrible and really need to think about what they're doing.
like i said i hope you've enjoyed this long ass journey with me! may we meet again :-)
