Confessions of a closet lesbian (GirlxGirl) - A lesbian love story

Informing the folks Pt 2

“Oh god, I really do not want to do this.” I was pacing across my room while Jamie sat on the bed and nervously picked at a stray thread in her jeans. “What if they hate me once they know? What if they kick me out?” My voice was slowly rising, even though I knew they’d eventually be able to hear me from downstairs. I could feel my heart racing, my breath coming in short puffs. It was then that Jamie got up and walked over to be, blocking me from continuing my pacing. She took my hands in hers, her thumbs rubbing the backs of them, and let out a long breath.

“You know that you could stay with me. Now breathe. You need to calm down before you make yourself sick.” She murmured. I knew she was right. Trying to gain control of my breathing I stepped forward, leaning my forehead on her shoulder. One of her hands left mine and found its way to my hair, smoothing down the bits that I’d missed earlier. Her almost steady breathing was already helping me to calm down. She was right. Of course she was right. Everything would be fine. She hummed in contentment, playing with strands of my hair. “I love you.” She sighed and my breath caught before a grin spread across my face.

“I love you.” I replied.

“Now come on, we left our tea down there and I bet it’s cold by now.” She tugged on my hand and pulled me towards the door. For a moment I hesitated, terrified beyond belief. “You’ll be fine. I’m right here.” She smiled reassuringly and tugged once more on my hand. This time, I let her pull me from the room.

We went to the kitchen first to find our tea which surprisingly, wasn’t too cold. After finishing that, another mini freak-out from me, and a few reassuring kisses, we ventured to the living room. Grey, Laura, mom and dad were spread around the living room, occupying different chairs and sofas when we came in. The only one not totally engrossed in the film was Grey, who had obviously been waiting for us to come downstairs. He sent me a quick smile and nodded towards the remote. Taking the hint I picked it up and muted the TV, making everyone turn to me in surprise. I wanted so badly to reach out and take Jamie’s hand, but I knew it’d have to wait. I hesitated, breathing deeply to try and calm myself.

"Why did you mute it Dana?” dad asked, looking at me expectantly. I swallowed.

"Look, uh… I really need to talk to you guys.” This obviously interested them if the looks on their faces were anything to go by. Grey shot me a sympathetic look and I felt Jamie tense beside me.

“Of course sweetheart. What’s wrong?” mum asked, not noticing my flinch as she called me by that pet name. What if I tell her and she hates me? What will I do?

“Okay I really don’t know how to say this so I’ll just say it all at once. I like girls, the way I’m supposed to like guys. I wanted you to hear it from me before anyone else could tell you since people at school found out and rumours have been flying around.” Grey was eying my parents warily, gauging their reactions, but their faces didn’t show anything but shock. Dad cleared his throat.

“You’re only sixteen Dana, you can’t possibly know until you’ve been with somebody. Come on, you’re just a little confused.” He said. My face fell and Grey was getting ready to stand up and come to my defence.

“Maybe in a few years, when you have a little more experience, you’ll know for sure. Maybe you just haven’t met the right guy.” Mom offered, giving me a tight smile. She reached for my father’s hand and I could see his was trembling slightly. I sighed.

“I know who I am. It’s not difficult to know who you’re attracted to. Tell me, when did you know you were straight? Only after sleeping with someone?” anger was seeping into my voice, I knew, but I just could help myself. How could they sit there and act like I was a child? My mom gasped and my dad looked angry. Grey was standing now, waiting for me to need him, and Laura was sat back in her chair, sadness plain on her face – she had known since Grey had and been certain my parents would have been okay with it.

“Dana Lockhart. Don’t speak to us like that. We’re simply stating that once you’ve had some experience we’ll be more inclined to take you seriously.” Mom had a stern look on her face. I could tell she was trying to understand, but it was hard for her.

“I’ve had plenty of experience thank you very much.” I spat back. I felt Jamie flinch and instantly regretted saying anything. Neither of us had brought up New Year so far and now I was using it in an argument. I restrained myself from taking her hand, clenching my fists to do so. “I’m sure you both remember Sarina?” even Grey was surprised at my sudden courage. Jamie had her hands by her face, chewing her sleeve – a habit of hers when she was upset.

“How can one girl-“ dad was cut of mid-sentence by Jamie, finally speaking up.

“With all due respect Mr Lockhart, Dana is sixteen and very capable of making her own decisions. In the end, you can’t make her heterosexual without alienating her and changing her entire self. I’d appreciate it if you’d be a bit more understanding.” My parents stared in shock, Grey looked on proudly, and Laura watched us with a knowing smile.

“What does this have to do with you? You may be Dana’s bestfriend-“ this time it was me to cut my dad off.

“Girlfriend.” I corrected. He looked surprised to say the least. “She’s my girlfriend, dad, and I love her. Now, if you’ll excuse us, I’m going to take her upstairs where I can show her exactly how much I love her without being judged.” With that I took Jamie’s had and pulled her back upstairs. Once in my room we shut the door and turned on my stereo to drown out the shouting that was sure to be happening downstairs. “That went well.” I remarked. “Fabulously in fact.”

“D, are you okay?” she pulled me towards her and held my face. Genuine concern showed in her eyes, as well as held back tears.

“The real question here is, are you okay? I never should have mentioned Sarina or that night; it all meant nothing. You know that right? It’s you that I love.” She smiled.

“I know. I just wish it were…” she trailed off, embarrassed. Her cheeks were coloured an endearing shade of pink.

“Me too. I wish I’d waited…” she looked surprised. I heard a door slam downstairs, then my phone was buzzing with a text. Pulling it out of my pocket, I read the message from Grey:

Taking the folks out for some air,

I’ll try and talk some sense into them.

Have fun,

Grey x

“They’re all gone. We have the house to ourselves…” I trailed off, distracted by the way that Jamie’s eyes were lingering on my lips.

***

So there. So far my parents aren’t happy but there isn’t much I can do about that, Grey’s working on it. Jamie’s mom already knew about her and she’s really accepting so we spend most of our time there, watching movies with her mom. It’s nice to be able to curl up together and not have to keep it a secret. Her mom is going away for a few days next month on a business trip so she’s asked us to look after the house for her so I’ll keep you updated on that.

Lots of love,

D x